This has happened since the dawn of mankind. When a parent takes on a role that is anything other than "parent", terrible things can (and probably do) happen.
I have witnessed this with my own eyes each and every year many parents who, even with the best intentions, ruin the relationship with their children for that period of time or (seemingly even more atrocious) for the rest of their lives.
The first time that I heard a story like this was when I had a long-winded conversation with my husband about how he was having a hard time with Reading in school and his mother (a former School Principal) had taken it upon herself to "tutor" him after hours. I know that if my mother-in-law is as valiant and persistent as she is a mother, I'm sure that "tutoring" him probably felt more like "torturing" him. After weeks of watching his grades plummet from "A's" to "B'c" to "C's", she spent countless afternoons going over what she thought was the best way to help him with Reading. She did what she thought was the best way for him to learn (the old fashioned "drill and kill" method, nothing more, nothing less). Every week day the hours spent at the dining room table felt like a make shift prison for my husband as he was bound to the one and only way to learn and resorted to bathroom "lock-ins" that resulted in him crying and her left wondering, "What did I do wrong?"
Yes, this is a more extreme situation that, despite the fact that it is true (and I have verified the accuracy of these events with her and she confessed to everything) it still happens each and every day. Parents walk a very thin line between caregiver, coach, counselor, and teacher. However, the role of teacher is so difficult that sometimes it becomes a necessary vice for parents to step into that role in order to feel that they are somewhat "worthy" of being proactive in their child's education.
There are several reasons why most parents cannot and should not help their children with learning certain "difficult" subjects. Here are just a few:
1. Education professionals have been training for years to help your child.
Teacher preparation programs range anywhere from 1 year of direct teaching experience to 3 years of direct teaching experience in order for your child to learn in the best manner possible. With classes such as child psychology and child development, many teachers come equipped with a wide range of information to help your child.
2. It's hard being objective when your "heart and soul" is making a mistake
My dad drove since he was 12 years old - that doesn't mean that he should have taught me how to drive. My grandfather had a PhD in Economics and taught at the University level; that doesn't mean that he was qualified to help my father learn how to read, write, or appreciate arithmetic.
There's a certain level of inflexibility that family members have as it pertains to our infallible loved ones. When your child does something wrong - it's as if you are in disbelief that they could do that. It's not that you are a bad parent - it is just a function of your biological instinct to be protective and is hard-wired in your brain. Fortunately, educational professionals enjoy a certain degree of objectivity in working with your child which makes it much easier to assist in their development
3. Your child simply wants to please you
Unless it is an extreme situation, children want to please their parents. (unless they are teenagers and they are testing boundaries in which - we all know that these are the "lost years" in everyone's life). They come home looking for you so that they can tell you they earned an "A" on the math test or they won first place in the Jump Rope contest. If a parent chooses to "school" a child, you are playing with a double edged sword and your child may become confused or worse yet - tend to resent you for manipulating their emotions. (Great job on the test today - but you know that it could have been better if "we" studied for another hour.)
4. Remediation is tricky...
The very first class that I had taken in Graduate School was called (believe it or not) "The Art and Science of Teaching". A true educator reveals more to the process of working with students than a scripted lesson plan or a set of statistics on performance based assessments. An educational professional assesses, plans, monitors, and constantly reflects on what is happening with each and every student. Many parents have a difficult time understanding this process (even parents who are teachers themselves) and sometimes resort to what they believe to be easy and is the "best practice" for remediation. The problem is - what works for you, unfortunately, may not work for them.
If you would like more information on how an educational professional can help your child, feel free to contact me at christine@learningridge.com or you can call Christine at 404-964-8533.
I have witnessed this with my own eyes each and every year many parents who, even with the best intentions, ruin the relationship with their children for that period of time or (seemingly even more atrocious) for the rest of their lives.
The first time that I heard a story like this was when I had a long-winded conversation with my husband about how he was having a hard time with Reading in school and his mother (a former School Principal) had taken it upon herself to "tutor" him after hours. I know that if my mother-in-law is as valiant and persistent as she is a mother, I'm sure that "tutoring" him probably felt more like "torturing" him. After weeks of watching his grades plummet from "A's" to "B'c" to "C's", she spent countless afternoons going over what she thought was the best way to help him with Reading. She did what she thought was the best way for him to learn (the old fashioned "drill and kill" method, nothing more, nothing less). Every week day the hours spent at the dining room table felt like a make shift prison for my husband as he was bound to the one and only way to learn and resorted to bathroom "lock-ins" that resulted in him crying and her left wondering, "What did I do wrong?"
Yes, this is a more extreme situation that, despite the fact that it is true (and I have verified the accuracy of these events with her and she confessed to everything) it still happens each and every day. Parents walk a very thin line between caregiver, coach, counselor, and teacher. However, the role of teacher is so difficult that sometimes it becomes a necessary vice for parents to step into that role in order to feel that they are somewhat "worthy" of being proactive in their child's education.
There are several reasons why most parents cannot and should not help their children with learning certain "difficult" subjects. Here are just a few:
1. Education professionals have been training for years to help your child.
Teacher preparation programs range anywhere from 1 year of direct teaching experience to 3 years of direct teaching experience in order for your child to learn in the best manner possible. With classes such as child psychology and child development, many teachers come equipped with a wide range of information to help your child.
2. It's hard being objective when your "heart and soul" is making a mistake
My dad drove since he was 12 years old - that doesn't mean that he should have taught me how to drive. My grandfather had a PhD in Economics and taught at the University level; that doesn't mean that he was qualified to help my father learn how to read, write, or appreciate arithmetic.
There's a certain level of inflexibility that family members have as it pertains to our infallible loved ones. When your child does something wrong - it's as if you are in disbelief that they could do that. It's not that you are a bad parent - it is just a function of your biological instinct to be protective and is hard-wired in your brain. Fortunately, educational professionals enjoy a certain degree of objectivity in working with your child which makes it much easier to assist in their development
3. Your child simply wants to please you
Unless it is an extreme situation, children want to please their parents. (unless they are teenagers and they are testing boundaries in which - we all know that these are the "lost years" in everyone's life). They come home looking for you so that they can tell you they earned an "A" on the math test or they won first place in the Jump Rope contest. If a parent chooses to "school" a child, you are playing with a double edged sword and your child may become confused or worse yet - tend to resent you for manipulating their emotions. (Great job on the test today - but you know that it could have been better if "we" studied for another hour.)
4. Remediation is tricky...
The very first class that I had taken in Graduate School was called (believe it or not) "The Art and Science of Teaching". A true educator reveals more to the process of working with students than a scripted lesson plan or a set of statistics on performance based assessments. An educational professional assesses, plans, monitors, and constantly reflects on what is happening with each and every student. Many parents have a difficult time understanding this process (even parents who are teachers themselves) and sometimes resort to what they believe to be easy and is the "best practice" for remediation. The problem is - what works for you, unfortunately, may not work for them.
If you would like more information on how an educational professional can help your child, feel free to contact me at christine@learningridge.com or you can call Christine at 404-964-8533.
