How Can You Model Great Behavior To Your Child?

As the middle child, the best gift that my parents gave me was the gift of "maybe". When I would ask them about certain things that I wanted to have such as "Will I ever be a great speaker?" - my mom's response would be, "Maybe, if you work really hard at it." It was at that point at time that my mind was set on those "maybe's" turning into a "definitely".

Working with students now and days, I see that students may not have the same drive or initiative that their parents have. Perhaps it is just an observation that I am making - but I hope that somehow the lightbulb will go off and they will surpass the achievements that their parents and grandparents had accomplished before them.

Here is what I would recommend for any parent who wants their child to be High Performing:

1. Engage Actively

Yes, video games are great, but come with several consequences. When your child is doing something, engage in the activity with them and talk to them about it. It's important to talk to your kids about the music they like and then communicate about the music that you liked when you were their age. This will help them to understand you and not feel that they need to "ostracize" you when they are in their teens.

2. Experience - Experience - Experience

When you spend quality time together, whether it is going to the park or enjoying the 4th of July, focus on the experience of what you are in and not what you think is important. Playing frisbee is great when you are at the park but your child will love the fact that you were able to help them make new friends while you are there. It's all about finding those...

3. Teachable Moments

Model great behaviors and coping strategies with your child. Be (as my mom always said) a good citizen by saying hello and showing him what the steps are in making new friends. It's easier to be shown this - than told this!

My Thought For the Day..

When we love our work, when we believe in what we do, we should never be satisfied. There is always so far to go, and only by losing ourselves in the passion for our work, and the discipline that it demands, do we have the chance of approaching mastery.

Things that your child remembers..

Up until I was in my second year of college, I was blessed to have both of my wonderful parents. My (late) father was a very honorable man who never had an enemy. He had a large circle of friends from around the world who loved and adored him beyond our comprehension.  He made us believe that he would always be there no matter what happened and showed us the strength that it takes in order to not only have a happy life, but one that would make an impact on the world that you live in.

My wonderful mother is a healthy and very strong-willed woman who never takes no for an answer (I think I know where I inherited my stubbornness from). She always looked at the big picture and gave more of herself than anyone I ever knew and would be content with receiving nothing but a simple thank you for her efforts. She is courageous in her own respects and I admire her for raising the six of us.

When I think of my parents, rarely do I reflect upon things that they gave me. It's actually the most simplest of memories that I have of my loving mom and dad doing something that makes me the luckiest individual in the world. One strong memory of my late father was when the "old man" would initiate his work ritual. He took the late (very late) shift  so that he could be home to watch all of us. Before dad would leave for work, he would make his nightly rounds to make sure that all of children were all in their respective beds (including myself). The final thing that I remember my dad doing before I went to sleep was him turning my bedroom light off so that I can sleep peacefully at night. I took all of that for granted when we were growing up but I see the type of man my father was by making sure everyone was okay before he went off to work.

In thinking of my mom, I always remember the time when I was a little girl and she took me out to the city and we walked by foot to go sight seeing. She and I spent the entire day together and I recall looking at photographs of her and told her that I wanted my hair to be just like hers when we went somewhere. I love my mom but what I love the most about my mom is the fact that she always underlines her commitment to being the mom that she is. Whenever I hear a voicemail or talk to my mom, she always tells me, "No matter what, I am always proud of you and mommy loves you." I save all of the voicemails that my mom sends me to make sure that even during the worst of days, I can count on the person who believes in me the most.

There are times when you think that your child may want you to give them something. In the end, it's really the gift of yourself that they are looking for. I am not a person who believes that material things are what makes an individual happy, but having a loving and caring family will compensate for anything material that you may not have at this point in time.

The Example That You Set Is the Standard That They Live By...

When I observe parents, I typically look to see how they communicate with each other, how they deal with stress, and most importantly, how they deal with conflict. Since most of what children inherit from their parents is genetic, it should not surprise you that their behavior and mannerisms would be an extension of what you give to them as well.

Take for example my paternal grandfather. A man who was very humble yet educated beyond the realms of most standards. He did nothing but pursue a great education and raise his children with the same values. He put his family first, loved his wife, and upheld a code of conduct that was passed through generations after him. He was quick to uphold discipline but slow in criticizing and giving not only his children but his great grandchildren the advice they needed to be successful in life. He is one of my heroes and has taught generations after him the importance of "saving face", something that many individuals nowadays do not even have an inkling of knowing.

In my everyday life, I have seen many parents behave in the opposite respect. Sometimes their quick tempers flare up and effects their children - even when they are not aware that they are there. Their body language showing that they are upset or feeling let down also  has a negative effect on their child as they mimic the same behaviors. I remember one of the stories that I heard from a child that told me that his mom was mad at him. It broke my heart to think that anybody can be "mad" at a four year old who wants nothing more than to be loved and praised for being who he is. When he told me the story that "my mom always gives me a hug and a kiss goodnight and when she is upset, she doesn't" made me want to cry. It's hard enough making sense of the world around you outside of your home but the least that this parent could have done is have a conversation with the child about what may have been concerning her, rather than withholding the love that all children need and deserve.

I am not saying that you need to constantly coddle your child. It's impossible - with all the demands that are put on a parent it would be inherently difficult to do that. What I am saying is that giving your child the gift of communication is very intimate. If you are upset you can say something along the lines of "Sweetheart, sometimes mommy has a bad day and I know that I forgot to give you your hug/kiss last night. It's not because I don't love you - it's just because I forget. Don't ever think that you are not the most important little man in my life because you are, no matter where I am or what I am feeling." It's simple conversations like these that make the biggest impact to your children. They are the ones who love you and need you the most and regardless of what may be troubling you, they do make things easier for you!

It's a Grill! (No - it's a Girl!).....The Politics of Bad Teaching

As a child, I never questioned authority. It was implored in me to never say that something was wrong or out of place,  even when it was.

When I started working a little more closely with people, I found that this could no longer be the case. Living where we I live now, I have noticed that many people around me will do anything to show that they are right - even if it means that that it causes irreparable harm or create a chaotic situation that only an intelligent, logical person would know how to unravel. So here is my vent...

For years and years, I have learned a certain methodology called Orton-Gillingham, that has been used by a certain population here in Atlanta. When I  work with students, I have developed a key sense of awareness of certain problems that have resulted from students not receiving the type of instruction and resources that they need in order to make gains in their reading. Given the fact that I have worked with hundreds of individuals in a private 1:1 setting, I have accumulated enough experience and know how to understand what the pitfalls are before even working with the student. It's the result of understanding what the process is - and working backwards that has helped me (and others like me) help students.

So when a parent decided to question me about a certain topic that she thought I was teaching incorrectly, I was baffled. I normally respond to criticism and challenges pretty well but when I showed her the examples/explanations/ and research behind what she thought was "incorrect", it became a battle of "Phonics Tug of War" between myself and an entire school that was teaching their group of 1,000 students incorrectly. This was not the only school that has done this in the great city that I live in - this is one of many schools that teaches their children to improperly identify a group of phonemes in this way.

The next day I decided to do my research. Fortunately, one of the individuals on my team just received training from a Learning Specialist who has used this approach for over 30 years and was able to give me feedback on the issue. Another great resource was the Director of Training for the Orton Gillingham Institute who personally called me and was able to answer my very troubling question. "Did I teach this concept incorrectly? If not, why is an entire school not abiding by the principles by which this methodology was founded on?"

After 1 1/2 hours on the phone and case studies and examples, I was indeed correct. There are situations where schools may be and will be wrong and there is absolutely nothing implausable with questioning why certain practices, (however "difficult" it may be on the ego of the school to admit) need to be changed. It's not a question of "well it's the school, they have to be right.." Certain institutions have a profound impact on silencing the benevolent efforts of one individual. In my case, I stand before you vindicated!

Why Most Children Don't Listen to Their Parents (When They Turn Into "Teacher")

This has happened since the dawn of mankind. When a parent takes on a role that is anything other than "parent", terrible things can (and probably do) happen.

I have witnessed this with my own eyes each and every year many parents who, even with the best intentions, ruin the relationship with their children for that period of time or (seemingly even more atrocious) for the rest of their lives.

The first time that I heard a story like this was when I had a long-winded conversation with my husband about how he was having a hard time with Reading in school and his mother (a former School Principal) had taken it upon herself to "tutor" him after hours. I know that if my mother-in-law is as valiant and persistent as she is a mother, I'm sure that "tutoring" him probably felt more like "torturing" him. After weeks of watching his grades plummet from "A's" to "B'c" to "C's", she spent countless afternoons going over what she thought was the best way to help him with Reading. She did what she thought was the best way for him to learn (the old fashioned "drill and kill" method, nothing more, nothing less). Every week day the hours spent at the dining room table felt like a make shift prison for my husband as he was bound to the one and only way to learn and resorted to bathroom "lock-ins" that resulted in him crying and her left wondering, "What did I do wrong?"

Yes, this is a more extreme situation that, despite the fact that it is true (and I have verified the accuracy of these events with her and she confessed to everything) it still happens each and every day. Parents walk a very thin line between caregiver, coach, counselor, and teacher. However, the role of teacher is so difficult that sometimes it becomes a necessary vice for parents to step into that role in order to feel that they are somewhat "worthy" of being proactive in their child's education.

There are several reasons why most parents cannot and should not help their children with learning certain "difficult" subjects. Here are just a few:

1. Education professionals have been training for years to help your child.

Teacher preparation programs range anywhere from 1 year of direct teaching experience to 3 years of direct teaching experience in order for your child to learn in the best manner possible. With classes such as child psychology and child development, many teachers come equipped with a wide range of information to help your child.

2. It's hard being objective when your "heart and soul" is making a mistake

My dad drove since he was 12 years old - that doesn't mean that he should have taught me how to drive. My grandfather had a PhD in Economics and taught at the University level; that doesn't mean that he was qualified to help my father learn how to read, write, or appreciate arithmetic.

There's a certain level of inflexibility that family members have as it pertains to our infallible loved ones. When your child does something wrong - it's as if you are in disbelief that they could do that. It's not that you are a bad parent - it is just a function of your biological instinct to be protective and is hard-wired in your brain. Fortunately, educational professionals enjoy a certain degree of objectivity in working with your child which makes it much easier to assist in their development

3.  Your child simply wants to please you

Unless it is an extreme situation, children want to please their parents. (unless they are teenagers and they are testing boundaries in which - we all know that these are the "lost years" in everyone's life). They come home looking for you so that they can tell you they earned an "A" on the math test or they won first place in the Jump Rope contest. If a parent chooses to "school" a child, you are playing with a double edged sword and your child may become confused or worse yet - tend to resent you for manipulating their emotions. (Great job on the test today - but you know that it could have been better if "we" studied for another hour.)

4. Remediation is tricky...

The very first class that I had taken in Graduate School was called (believe it or not) "The Art and Science of Teaching". A true educator reveals more to the process of working with students than a scripted lesson plan or a set of statistics on performance based assessments. An educational professional assesses, plans, monitors, and constantly reflects on what is happening with each and every student. Many parents have a difficult time understanding this process (even parents who are teachers themselves) and sometimes resort to what they believe to be easy and is the "best practice" for remediation. The problem is - what works for you, unfortunately, may not work for them.

If you would like more information on how an educational professional can help your child, feel free to contact me at christine@learningridge.com or you can call Christine at 404-964-8533.

We are dedicated...but my clients are devoted..

I've had the opportunity to work with some students from when they are young to when they grow older. I have seen students transition from the time to when they enter elementary school, to entering puberty,  to when they are about to enter college. It is a quite life changing event to know a student well enough to guide them in some of the most important decisions in their life.

As an individual who is very "hands on", it has been difficult for some of my clients to transition to another educational professional. I've become quite attached to my little clients as their success in school is based on many different factors and one of which at times could be the very last session that I had with the student. Nevertheless, it is through our hard work, preparation time and dedication that has allowed us to be so successful with our clients.

When I had discussed the idea of having another educational professional work with my client he immediately said, "You know how it is. I know that you understand how my mind works and you make these ideas click in my head." It makes me feel very proud that I am able to unravel the chaos that does not make a great deal of sense to my students and it is because of that makes them the successful students that they have become.

We have been very fortunate to have the types of clients that believe in our process and have shown their loyalty over the years. Thank you so much for your vote of confidence and your devotion.