False Sense of Success During the Honeymoon Week in School

It's the first week of school and other than the late bus ride home, parents are elated at the thought that their children are happy to be at school.

You breathe out a sigh of relief as your child jumps out of the school bus and says that they just love school. What most people do not realize is that the first week is called "the honeymoon period" and some schools have indoctrinated to each of the teachers that they want children to feel good about the process.

I like this idea - maybe for a day. I think it might even be a better idea to start the school year with an assembly and introduce the teachers as the rock stars that they are. I know that in Europe the Kindergarten students are given gifts by their parents to give them a sweet taste in their mouth as they embark their journey into the halls of education. I started at a private pre-school and my parents took the cutest picture of me in a white uniform and a really pretty pink ribbon in my hair. School was everything and anything that I wanted it to be, but after this week - that is when reality sets in.

Parents who have children in programs for remediation or who have needed tutoring in the past to help close the gap wait weeks or even months before they call for help. It sounds like they want to do their child a favor by waiting to give them the assistance that they need but what ends up happening is that their child falls further and further behind. They forget how to approach problems because they have spent the last 12 - 20 weeks doing anything but studying. It's not a good practice, but I see this happening each and every year.

If you are a parent that has had problems in the past with your child learning the concepts during the school year, remember - Early Intervention is the Key!

Motivation and Achievement

Growing up in a big family, it's ironic that I spent the majority of my time alone. I was the middle child lodged between my older brother and my younger brother, seven years older and younger respectively. It was hard for me to relate to their "play styles" and even more difficult for me to compete with them. At the end of the day, I was left to observe the world and understand things without an explanation.

Late this week I watched a movie pertaining to a fictional depiction of the Spelling Bee. As my husband briefly went over the synopsis with me, I whispered to him that I was the runner up for the Spelling Bee when I was in 6th grade. My husband then asked me, "who helped you, your mom, dad, brother?". I laughed out loud and said, "What? Nobody helped me with that! Everything that I had learned up to that point was accomplished by me."

Then we watched the entire movie from start to finish. If I had told my younger self what I had seen in that movie, I think my younger self would have the same look of disdain that I had that evening. I had to ask, "Why do you need to study or even be coached to do something like that?" or "That's cheating!" would be my response. Everything that we had worked for when I was in school was through our own "blood, sweat and tears". We always did things independently and the only assistance that we would give ourselves would be peer assistance.

The reason why I mention this is that I've noticed that some parents push their kids to do things that they may not want to do. Sometimes it's to be the best at a sport that they hate or to be first chair in an instrument that they may not even like. It bothers me to no end to see children being busy for the sake of being busy. There is no purpose for what they are involved in and it seems that the busier the children are, the smarter that they are perceived to be.

When I spoke to a parent early last week, she asked me if  I thought it would be a good idea for her daughter to spend a few hours a week learning how to use an abacus. A monkey can use an abacus - if you want your daughter to imitate a monkey I guess that would be a good idea but I personally have my own opinion about what a child should learn. The smartest of my clients use calculators, I am trying hard to find a reason why your child would need to learn how to calculate things rather quickly. If you are going for a world record, or if there is a scholarship in school for some abstract skill - then go for it. (I was a Business Scholar at the age of 16, my two brothers and my niece were on Music Scholarships, and my grandfather was multilingual (four languages by the age of 21). The hardest part of being a parent is learning how and what to prioritize - focusing on quality versus quality and acknowledging the strengths and the weaknesses of your children.

My father knew best. At 19, I was discovered by a talent scout that wanted me to be signed on by an agency to become an actress. I was motivated at the time to embark on this career. I came home to tell my father and without blinking his eyes he said, "This will be a bust. Did you forget that you have stage fright?" I was definitely blind-sighted by the statement and went on to audition and realized that when there was a room full of people I would begin to freeze. Dad knew what I was great in (helping people in private) and knew what I should stay away from.

If you are a parent, learn more about your child and what your shared goals are before you commit them to anything. It's important for you to understand and respect them as your children and they will in turn respect you.

Knowing How To Say “No”

It seems simple, your child makes a request that you think is not worthy of an affirmative response. “10 more minutes of television please” or even “I want to have candy after dinner!”. It seems implausible but when I glance over at parents - I see that they have been abated into parental abandonment and emotional torture when their own children are unable to take “no” for an answer.

How Can You Say “No”

From the person who cleans the floor, to the individuals at the top of the corporate chain, the word “no” is something that they need to deal with and overcome. What would happen every time someone objected to an idea that Bill Gates had and he started screaming at the technology professional? Or if the young man who asked for a raise after 2 years of loyal service left to go to a competitor? The world would not be a very happy or productive place if people could not understand that certain things have certain answers.

As a great parent, I encourage you to help your child understand why a certain response is put in place. When delivering the message - it is important for your child to understand why you must not yield to their whims. 

For example: “I’m sorry, you can’t have that extra scoop of ice cream because we need to save some for the next time we have dessert” would be a good way to pacify your child when they are looking for more food. If your child is screaming at the top of their lungs wanting a toy that you think is beyond their toy budget, tell them, “We have a certain amount set aside for your toy budget sweetheart. We need to save for other things that you want and need such as food, clothing, and your activities that you like so much.” Help your child understand what the reasons are for the disapproval on their childhood request form, a not not just “No”.

Why You Should Learn To Say “No”

This will definitely help as your child learns to regulate their emotions and manage expectations that they have of you, and the rest of the world. Think about it, your role as a parent isn’t to make them happy at every moment of their life, but to prepare them for the life that they are about to live under your guidance. Understanding how to deal with adversity and the simplicity of things will result in a happy, more self-reliant young adult.

Why I've Lost My Patience When It Comes To..

It was a difficult conversation that I had with my husband. After years of research and hours spent writing papers and citing case studies, I told him those few words that made him screech, "Oh no".

The conversation went something like this, "You know how I work at the school for 180 days? I hate to say this out loud, but I'm really only happy for about ten of those days..." He looked at me with utter contempt as though I've been living this duplicitous life telling people that I love children but I didn't want to be in the classroom.

"What, are you out of your mind? How can you only be happy for 10 of those days?"

It was then that I told him about the logistical make up of the school year. The kids come in from a long (very long) summer break and so you remediate them for a few days - actually weeks. Just when they think that you are being nice to them, they start taking tests for which most of them are sure not to do well. Every day you help prepare them for these tests and dance around the fact that sometimes these tests do not correlate to the skills that they will need later on in life. Time management, social skills, responsibility, motivation,  - all the different factors that help determine one's success is expected but not explained. I had a major problem with that.. and most of all with what matters the most.

Feedback. Outside of taking tests, there are very few opportunities for educators to know that we did a job well done. As an overachiever myself, I like to know who understood the amazing lesson that I had delivered on solving two step equations, but "pop quizzes" seemed to be so out of style. Where was the barometer of success and continuous improvement that you need to give to people so that they know what they can work on. It seemed to not occur in the classroom until I found my calling.....

Every opportunity I had after school to work with a student who had suffered from a set back such as a reading delay or an executive functioning delay - I took on. Many clients that I work with had come to me after seeing "Dr. Whoever" who would recommend the person who provided them with financial incentives. As I had started doing my own research I discovered (and was disappointed) at how misleading other professionals had been in providing services. Coming from a family whose reputation was a higher priority than riches, I never wanted to engage in anything that would compromise my value system. Sometimes I would look at reports or journals of what other professionals have (or have not done) and would feel utter bitterness for people who like to take advantage of situations. I'm not skeptical that certain systems do or do not work, I'm skeptical at business practices that spell out "Unethical" in my book.

When someone comes to me, I'm happy to say that after countless hours studying and applying psychology and working with individuals one on one to modify behavior, it takes way more than a ten day class to incorporate changes to one's brain. There is a science behind and a reason surrounding everything that I do and one thing that my clients hear me saying time and time again is, "I don't want to waste time.. especially yours..." I am a very, very impatient person who likes to get things done and it's been great working with the parents who have learned to trust my process. It has always served them well.. 

Can I Get A Side Of Learning With My School Choice?

I'm not trying to be facetious... Well, maybe I am. Here's my beef today. What is it with expecting that teachers teach at schools?

I'm a teacher (even though I am not in a classroom) and the goal of a teacher, or maybe let's be a little more sensible, the responsibility of a teacher is to provide education for students. Easy enough, you provide education for a student however, how can you measure how well they perform in this task?

Let's say that you enroll your child in an educational environment where the primary goal is their independence and a certain freedom within limits. I like the way that all of this sounds until I through in some other words like, objectives, goals, expectations. It's really easy to put children in an environment where they play all day, if your dream is to have a class full of children who will grow up to be "players". If your goal is to have your children learn how to use those "independent skills" so that they can read and write... what should you do?

You should either place them in a different school that emphasizes this skill set or provide them with an environment that does so. When I was five years old, my parents bought a bike for me. It stood in the garage until I worked up the courage to teach myself how to ride the bike. (Yes, I did. I'm quite proud of this feat and I think that my parents always knew how independent and resilient child #3 was in comparison to #1,2,4-6).. For some reason, riding a bike made sense to me. Mom and dad provided me, "the child" with the proper environment and support to learn how to ride a bike and hopefully, I will learn that given skill. They supported me in my quench for knowledge (since independent learning was rampant in my family) so when I wanted to learn, I would retreat to the libraries with my friends. My older brother on the other hand, not so much. His interests dealt more with social activities rather than intellectual ones and so I had to assist him with college level courses when I was still in middle school. (There was even a time that I wanted to go in and take his tests in math, science and english until I realized that he would be kicked out of university for that. He liked the idea of getting grades for not doing any work. I liked the idea of learning things  beyond what was expected. Nothing has changed in the last .....ty years..)

So when a school does not provide you with the tools that your child needs to succeed, you should act swiftly and with patience. Because in the grand scheme of things, this problem (unlike that of my older brother) will not solve itself.

Is Your Child Ready For Overnight Camp?

For most kids, it’s a time during the summer that they look forward to the most: the experience of going to their first overnight camp! For weeks at a time, they will have butterflies thinking of all the fun activities they will be engaged in while away from their parents. Mornings spent with peers talking about the events from the night before will show in their eyes as they exchange stories with more excitement than an action packed blockbuster movie. However, there are some kids that may not have the same experience.

Going to your first overnight camp can be overwhelming when you are not quite ready. Some children may experience unnecessary anxiety and stress because they are either unfamiliar with the set up of staying somewhere overnight that is not “home” or are unprepared socially for being in a camp setting. 

I had the experience of watching one of my favorite 2nd graders attend a camp for a total of 30 hours before the Camp Director and the child decided that this experience was not one that was mutually beneficial. It was devastating to hear the anguish of the father as he had to drive his son back and endure the six hour trip listening to the reasons why his experience was a horrible one.

If you believe that your child may not be 100% ready to attend camp, here are some tips to help them get ready for that first “going away” experience:

• Help coordinate a Large Group Play Date

Yes, your child has a wonderful best friend who you treat as that other member of your family. Let the summer be a time where your child can learn to socialize and play with a larger circle of friends. The exposure and experience will help them prepare to be around different personalities and be more comfortable as a result.

Schedule field trips to local places and stay there for the whole day

The Zoo, the Georgia Aquarium, the Coca Cola Museum, there are many “whole day” excursions from which your child can choose from. Going on a field trip is more than just learning about what the particular venue has to offer. It is an opportunity to plan the events for the day and to also pacify oneself when you have a sudden onset of boredom. Kids learn at any given moment when they have an experience that is memorable and meaningful and you can learn from them too!

• Give your child unstructured free time

This is a tough one for some parents, but be creative when giving your children free time. For example, you can give them a few hours to themselves but place limitations on it. Telling your child “this afternoon is all yours - you can do whatever you want to do, but it has to be technology free” may lead your child to pick up an outdoor activity rather than staying indoors. Another example can be stated with a simple, “This morning we can do anything that requires us to use paint”. Give your child the ability to make executive decisions and plan out the process of time management. You will be surprised at what they’ll come up with.

• Create a series of “Community Overnight” Camps

If you live in a thriving subdivision or a great community of like-minded parents, gather up your children and help co-sponsor some overnight camps. The children will learn how to build better communication skills with those that they are familiar with and will have memories that will be cherished for years to come.

Want to be a little more daring? Parents who are hosting can have a special time where they are the “Featured Guest Speaker” and can share a scary/funny/inspirational story to all of the kids that are there. (Yes, my father sat in one night and told all of my friends stories of his childhood and how unbelievably mischievous he was. It ended up being a night of Community Comedy sponsored by “My dad”.)

• Have your child take classes over the summer

It’s important that children learn how to be comfortable in different situations. Allowing them to take classes over the summer will not only help them work on a different skill or talent, but it will help them actively engage in the learning process. They’ll learn that education is something that happens when you are not looking and will be grateful that you helped them along the way.

If you have any questions about getting your child get ready for Summer Camps, choosing a Summer Camp, or enrolling in a Summer Learning Camp featuring Handwriting Without Tears, Singapore Math, and Orton-Gillingham at Learning Ridge this summer, feel free to visit www.learningridge.com or contact me at christine@learningridge.com.

Have a Great Summer! 

An Alternative to Bullying Prevention? Assertiveness Training!

It was a warm April day and I was about to approach my client’s house for a home visit. As I was walking towards the driveway, I noticed two elementary aged girls approaching the house. Instantly I thought it was a play date that was accidentally scheduled but what it was surprised me more than anyone can imagine.

“Hi, we live in the neighborhood and ride the same bus as David, Are you David’s mom?”, the taller girl asked as if she was a seasoned Business Development Manager in another life. “Well, we wanted to let you know that for the past few weeks, David has been really bugging my friend and I both in the bus and out of the bus. I just wanted you to know that..” 

It was quite an interesting event to watch a ten-year old with more gravitas and tact than some adults I’ve encountered in the past. Tall girl then looked over at short girl and said, “Tell David’s mom what he’s been doing to you when we were on the bus.” This other girl was not as talkative and briefly said, “Everything that you said.”. 

David’s mom was in shock that her son was being put to trial without representing himself in his own home. She did however mention to me later on how much she admired these two girls for speaking up for themselves and not involving their parents in the sometimes trivial minutiae that is called, “bullying”.

If you are a parent or grandparent of a child, try to instill in them the value of communication and being assertive. Often times children will resort to tattle tailing or retaliation when minor things occur. When conflicts arise, teach them the art of “verbal self defense” by explaining to them that when someone does something that hurts you, be direct when you communicate the result of their actions. This will prevent a great deal of time and misunderstanding if we teach children how to communicate early!

For more information about parenting advice, executive functioning, or premium educational programs, please contact Christine at christine@learningridge.com or 404-964-8533.