Character Lessons Taught Everyday By One Parent

I remember this one time where I asked a parent this question, "What is your mission as a parent?" I thought that the moment that a mother and father became parents they came up with an end goal for their children.. More often than not, most parents seem to just live day to day as it pertains to raising their children.

One family that I have spent a number of years working with do the exact opposite. In their daily routines, they not only communicate what the expectations of their children are, but model it in their daily interactions with their own family. They have more than six children and have modeled them in the old-fashioned way of child-rearing, "Responsibility, respect, and integrity is shared by all of you." I like how they raise their kids because it was how I was raised.

On the day of the Parent-Teacher Conference, the mother of these wonderful children came in to talk to the teachers of her children. I recall that she stated that two of the teachers had complimented the actions of two of her children but it was the heroic action of one of the children that really stood out to not just me, but the entire school.

During the time of the school announcements, there was one student in the third grade class that volunteered to lead the Pledge of Allegiance. The student that volunteered has Aspergers Syndrome and because of his disability, has problems communicating socially with his peers. The teacher had asked the other students in the class if any of them would volunteer to help the student with Aspergers Syndrome and nobody wanted to volunteer, except for the son of my client. He quickly shot up his hand and said, "I'll go up there with him!"

Both students marched up to the office and waited for the part of the announcements to lead the Pledge of Allegiance. When it was time for the student with Aspergers Syndrome to lead the pledge, he froze. It wasn't as if he didn't know the pledge.. he didn't know at that moment in time what he needed to do. The staff at the school repeated the cue for him to say the pledge. Still... no answer. He glanced over to my client's son and my client's son nodded his head. He walked over to him, held his hand, popped into the viewing screen of the camera where the entire school was watching and said...

"Good morning school! My name is Mike and this is my friend John. Today we are going to lead the Pledge of Allegiance..... I pledge allegiance to the flag...."

When my client was telling me this story, it was a pivotal time in my life when many of the casual conversations I hear from parents are the trivialities of school. Yes, I agree that education is vital to the upbringing of one's children, but equally as important as integrity, leadership, and courage. What this child did for me, his family, and his school is that it is so easy to mock someone because you get to hide, it is so much more meaningful to stand by someone and show your strength of character by challenging what may not be popular.

I am so proud to know this child - and hope that these actions of our little heroes are never overlooked.  

When Professionals Do Not Tell The Truth...

My mother always said that your name is important in who you are. I've always been very adept at understanding complex organizational systems and have been able to break down the interpersonal relationships that may be troubling for people my age to understand.

Very recently I have learned about the actions of certain individuals who have access to information and resources that have indelibly affected the educational outcomes of young children. It has angered and frustrated me beyond belief because as many people have respected them, they have been placed in a position of trust but have used this position to change and skew the dynamics of the systems that they are part of.

One such story was told to me very sadly by a young boy whom I have known for several months. He has been dreaming of attending a school that his father attended many years ago. Following in his father's footsteps, he had hoped to be wearing the uniform once graced by his dad years prior. Each year, he anticipated the moment that his presence would grace the halls of the school. Given the fact that the odds were for him, it was a "shoe-in", his family thought, as he had the same accolades and abilities that many of the students currently attending the school had. It was supposed to happen until..

Admissions Directors for the most part, have a difficult job in that they have to balance the needs of the school with the reputation that is to be upheld in the community. As it turns out, this particular Admissions Director has not told the entire truth to the young child. It sounded too good to be true that any family would be promised "a spot" but to outwardly admit students that were in the same grade and school as a student that you did not want attending your school is something that is worth coming clean on.

Study Skills - It's a Part of Life

We see the world in color, why not study using color? 

Funny Sight Words Conversation!

As I was working with a student on Sight Words, he said, "Hey, there's no I in "Why" and no air in "Where"! What's up with that?

Can Children Play and Learn At the Same Time?

I was with a little four year old yesterday introducing a lesson that involved roles and responsibilities. I try the best that I possibly can to not talk so much that the children rely too much on the words that I speak in order to learn the concepts that are being presented to him. So I do what I love to do best: I PLAY!

For some reason, he liked the activity so much that every time we needed to transition to other tasks, he would ask if we could revisit our original lesson. This happened again - and again - and again. So I made eye contact and asked him, "Does your school have toys like this in your classroom?" His response was, "No, not really.". I then asked - "Have you been on a field trip at your school?". That response was the same as the first, "No, other than petting an animal - I don't know what a field trip is.." That's when it all came together - this child is not playing enough in school.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, it is very important that children play at the very early states of life because it contributes to the "cognitive, physical, social, and emotional well-being of children and youth". Some individuals have even gone so far as to say that it is a fundamental right that all children have. If this is the case, then why are less and less children playing during these incremental periods of life?

Given the fact that the post-modern family is pressured to perform and engages in a very hurried lifestyle, the necessity of playing many not take precedence in the family schedule. The transition from playing that helps children learn social rules and mores to time spent on structured academics has taken its toll as children have grown less adept of handling behaviors that they are unfamiliar with. Play, for the sake of understanding as we know it, has gone away.

Going back to the little client in my story, it makes me sad that despite the thousands of dollars that his parents spend on his education, he is not playing as much as I think he should. It shows when he goes home and is unregulated because his mind and creativity was unable to be set free, and it makes me extremely upset. As an educator, there are always opportunities to restructure activities so that children are playing. From teaching them the parts of your body to solving the most simple of calculus problems - play should never go away. 

Are You Playing Homework Hostage Negotiator With Your Child?

It may be funny to read the title of this blog, but for many parents, this brings them to tears each and every night...

What starts out as an innocent question about the status of work that needs to be done after school ends up in a struggle of power, dominance, tactile defenses, and ultimately (if you do not lose) defeat of the young elementary/middle school/high school child that relents into the inevitable task that many of us know as "homework".

It's not a bad word, but has a negative association for most kids. Instead of addressing it by it's English name, they refer to it as "boring", or "do I have to do this" or "I hate school". I've come across more students with this dramatic disposition to these assignments and have seen a range of responses and emotional settings such as complete denial that there is homework to apathy. Whatever emotion the child feels - the response should always be the same.

Here are some tips on what to do if you are caught in the crossfire of playing "hostage negotiator" with your child:

1. DO NOT negotiate with your child!

Okay, maybe the CIA will not tell you this (yes, too many reruns of Bourne Identity in my brain) but you DO NOT NEGOTIATE with your child! There is a reason why your child will not do their homework - and before you engage in an offensive military strike that involves taking away all the privileges that they have not earned, it is important to find out what is the root of all (misguided) unhappiness towards homework..

2. EMPATHIZE With Your Child!

Remember when you were trying to pass that really boring literature class and procrastinated on studying for the final exam until you realized that it was tomorrow (okay, that must have been my little sister. I didn't do that..)? It's hard to think that your child is anything but an obedient compliant individual until you remember what it was like when you were growing up. Try to level with the child and relate to what they were experiencing.

Children look up to you and at times - think that you are either the most perfect human beings or are horrible parents. Tell them about what subjects you had a difficult time with and recall how it was hard for you to be self-motivated. They are not looking for someone to tell them what to do all the time, sometimes they are looking to just listen.

3. FIND OUT What It Is That They Really Need To Do

There is a misassumption that you have to complete everything that the teacher assigns to your child. When homework is assigned, many times it is to gain mastery of the concept that they are studying in school (I'm not an advocate of "busywork" - but "meaningful practice:). If it becomes an all out "War of the Words" in your house, find out what alternate assignments the teacher has allotted for students that may not have the chance to complete the homework.

I'm not advocating for you to ask for a free pass to not do work - but come to an agreement on what the learning and performance expectations are each and every day!

If you have any questions on this topic, or would like additional information about services provided by Learning Ridge, LLC - please contact Christine at 404-964-8533 or you can visit my website :)

From Normal to Medicated

When you think about a typical child, one thinks of someone who has a need to run around and tinker with toys to their hearts content. As a little girl, I remember constantly putting something in my hand and imagining the world around me through a visual medium. I wrote on anything my pens and markers could "scribble" on: paper, newspapers, magazines, shirts, and yes, even the kitchen table and the walls. It was hard for my mom to understand why I had a genetic predisposition to the world of print (it's partially my grandfather who influenced me. The man never went anywhere without writing things down as he was an attorney and diplomate) but I am glad that she never stopped me from doing what I was meant to do: express myself in the best way my brain knew how.

What grabs me at my heart is when I see children unable to be children in this day and age. I remember my childhood as if it were yesterday but when I see how some children are constantly drugged or tucked into some corner because they (or the adults around them) are unable to manage their behavior, it tugs at my heartstrings and makes me feel so helpless for the little one. There is so much that I feel we can do for children and to mistakenly label "boredom" with a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD is just uncalled for.

I recall this one time where I arrived (or was scheduled) at an unusually early time for one of my little clients. It was at 7:30am and the client had motioned to me that her son had not been medicated and as such, would not sit and pay attention. Rather than disagreeing with her, I continued working with her son and noticed after about 20 minutes, his thoughts and energy were retarded as a result of the medication. It was quite devastating for me - as the drugs started to kick in, I noticed his brain slip away and the look in his eyes resemble that of a zombie. It's one thing to be completely focused on something that you enjoy doing, it's another to be forced to pay attention against your will.

Other than an occasional dose of allergy medicine (that puts me to sleep after about 30 minutes), it's quite daunting to see how quickly the effects of medication has on students with attention problems. Perhaps students with ADHD can be managed a little differently or instead of using all that medicine, wouldn't it be more prudent to teach them life-skills or coping strategies?

I've never really been in favor of medication for those who have minor to moderate attention problems. Maybe we can advocate for teaching them how to manage their behaviors as a long term solution instead.