When You Hear, "I Can't Do That"

I always work in the vicinity of parents, grandparents, and other caretakers during my sessions. There is nothing that I hide when I work with a student (except sneaking in an occasional piece of gum to a kindergarten student..That always seems to do the trick!). They oftentimes listen to what I have to say - and sometimes I even notice that they are taking notes in the background after hearing some of my useful strategies.

What one parent heard today was rather discouraging on his end of the room. His daughter was expressing what most students express when they are unable to do something "perfectly". When given an essay to write, she repeatedly chanted, "I can't do that. I am not good at this.". He did not hear the conversations that we have had each and every session in which we would discuss how someone becomes great at something - and we all gain proficiency in time, and in critiquing our work. Her father was a little more subjective. He immediately looked at her and said, "You should stop saying that you can't do that. You have not even tried."

Many times our students give up too easily. I fear that as an adult, we do the same thing. If there is a problem that you are confronted with the best way to show your child the skill of problem solving is by persevering through the situation. It is not a matter of doing something perfectly or skillfully; it is about making a decision and following through on it.

Give your children the opportunity to learn a new skill and convey to them that learning is a process. Sometimes it happens immediately, other times it make take a little longer. Regardless of what it is, you should take the time to really focus and enjoy the experience.