Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Not So Smart Parenting……..

Sometimes I am grateful at the opportunity to hear conversations after they have occurred. I feel most enlightened by the information and transgressions that people are exposed to and can analyze and create a plan of correction "after the fact". In most cases, I feel like I am more of an "Educational Fixer" or "Educational Cleaner" when I am not consulting.

Earlier today I was immersed in deep conversation about one heated topic: "Rewards". When one of my clients asked a so-called expert about the use of rewards for her child, the "expert" responded in the way that most experts do - give a blanketed response to a common question instead of answering the question for that particular client. Yes, I read the same books that this gentleman read and yes, I too have wisdom beyond my years when it comes to understanding developmental processes in children. What I do not understand is what he could not share with the parent:

REWARDS 101

Rewards - are normally tangible items that are given to an individual who has completed a task satisfactorily. Many times, parents use "rewards" to entice their child to do something that at times seems rather undesirable. Personally, I am against using "bribes" because children learn something even more powerful that a reward mechanism that their parents have contrived: the art of manipulation. So in this instance, I am against REWARDS.

Now, here is the hard part. Instead of being a parent who invests their life savings into Amazon and the top three toy stores here in Atlanta, invest in what is called "Strategic Parenting".  Your child/children will eventually grow up in a world where they (if you want them to be a functional member of society) will need to exercise discipline, motivation, and delayed gratification. If your child is having a hard time with their homework, it is essentially a parent's job to make this obstacle one that is easily surmountable. Even better, some parents erase the word, "I can't do this" to "Let's complete this fun activity when you are done with this boring activity" as a way to recognize the mini-accomplishments of their child.

Children need to be given an intermittent (unexpected) schedule of reinforcing smiles, nods, kisses on the cheek and reaffirming experiences that will allow them to mature through the different processes of life. To be quite honest with you, I'm in utter shock that "experts" do not take the time to help educate parents on how to analyze and help modify the behavior of their child, until it is time to give them a nice hefty bottle of Prozac to "make the pain go away". I've never worked with a child who didn't want just a little more attention and meaningful praise to let them know that their efforts and accomplishments are duly noted.

If you help teach your child the art of persistence, discipline, and motivation, you've not only learned how to raise a child, but an individual that any person would be proud of.