Not So Smart Parenting……..

Sometimes I am grateful at the opportunity to hear conversations after they have occurred. I feel most enlightened by the information and transgressions that people are exposed to and can analyze and create a plan of correction "after the fact". In most cases, I feel like I am more of an "Educational Fixer" or "Educational Cleaner" when I am not consulting.

Earlier today I was immersed in deep conversation about one heated topic: "Rewards". When one of my clients asked a so-called expert about the use of rewards for her child, the "expert" responded in the way that most experts do - give a blanketed response to a common question instead of answering the question for that particular client. Yes, I read the same books that this gentleman read and yes, I too have wisdom beyond my years when it comes to understanding developmental processes in children. What I do not understand is what he could not share with the parent:

REWARDS 101

Rewards - are normally tangible items that are given to an individual who has completed a task satisfactorily. Many times, parents use "rewards" to entice their child to do something that at times seems rather undesirable. Personally, I am against using "bribes" because children learn something even more powerful that a reward mechanism that their parents have contrived: the art of manipulation. So in this instance, I am against REWARDS.

Now, here is the hard part. Instead of being a parent who invests their life savings into Amazon and the top three toy stores here in Atlanta, invest in what is called "Strategic Parenting".  Your child/children will eventually grow up in a world where they (if you want them to be a functional member of society) will need to exercise discipline, motivation, and delayed gratification. If your child is having a hard time with their homework, it is essentially a parent's job to make this obstacle one that is easily surmountable. Even better, some parents erase the word, "I can't do this" to "Let's complete this fun activity when you are done with this boring activity" as a way to recognize the mini-accomplishments of their child.

Children need to be given an intermittent (unexpected) schedule of reinforcing smiles, nods, kisses on the cheek and reaffirming experiences that will allow them to mature through the different processes of life. To be quite honest with you, I'm in utter shock that "experts" do not take the time to help educate parents on how to analyze and help modify the behavior of their child, until it is time to give them a nice hefty bottle of Prozac to "make the pain go away". I've never worked with a child who didn't want just a little more attention and meaningful praise to let them know that their efforts and accomplishments are duly noted.

If you help teach your child the art of persistence, discipline, and motivation, you've not only learned how to raise a child, but an individual that any person would be proud of.  

Can I Get A Side of Success With My Orton-Gillingham Tutoring in Atlanta?

Yes, I kid you not. I'm not exaggerating - or (what my little pre-school clients would like to say) telling you a fib - but it is true. Somehow the byproduct of tutoring our clients in Orton-Gillingham has been not just reading, but a side of success and confidence.

I've been doing this for over a decade now, and the first question that I ask parents is not what subject their child needs help on. If that were the case, I would open up a tutoring franchise and call it "Mc Tutoring" (it's a little catchy isn't it - maybe I should trademark this before somebody else does). I do something that is more important than finding out what the solution is… This helps me in helping them.

Once I've spoken to the parent, I get ready to meet the student. This opportunity is one that I find very special because it allows me to really work with who I enjoy working with most in my life: children. You see, in my childhood  I keenly observed each and every adult around me and noticed who liked working with children, and who liked making a paycheck. Every time I was around someone who liked children, there was a glint in their eyes that made them so approachable. When I was around an individual who wanted to make a paycheck, I noticed that they would count the minutes until their time was up. I've always loved children - and have a special place in my heart for those who are very capable of doing great things, but just do not know how to get there. That is the reason why I love working with children using this methodology.

For years, I've mastered the art of working with kids who have issues with reading. I pride myself on being "the one" who taught them how to read. I help them understand that there is nobody there to judge them and that I will stand beside them when they are finished to tell their mom and dad everything great that they did, and whisper every page of homework left to do. There are contagious smiles, giggles and laughter that comes with each time I work with children. I pre-judge some children, thinking that a concept that I think is hard will be hard for them - and then they make it look easy. I applaud them for being patient - and understanding and knowing that this one sacrifice that they have made early in life - giving up soccer, tennis, ballet or dance for the next few months will result in something bigger than any ribbon or trophy that can be placed in their living room. When they are done working with me, I expect that they will hold their head high and tell me without any reservation, "I can do this". I've achieved this with parents whose children were "below level" for one year and tested for gifted another. I've seen this with children who could only read words that had one syllable for 2 years in elementary school and became proficient readers in computer programming languages for adults.

The sky is the limit - I want this for each and every child I work with and hope that great things come to those who wait…patiently for success!

The Secret To Success… A Story of Orton-Gillingham

Some of what I do is routine, the other part of what I do is sheer instinct. Never in my life could I have imagined being at the helm of creating and developing the intellectual and behavioral limits of children - until today.

I was besieged by a litany of comments that were made by a team of educational professionals that I have worked with on a special project. My client, "R", had struggled with reading and was in an educational environment that lacked the structure to provide her with the remediation and skills needed in order for her to become a well-versed, fluent reader. She also had not been exposed to the knowledge base that her peers had already learned and so - I was given the task: to create a system where she would learn what typically takes most children 5 years to learn, in 9 months.

This was not an easy task. I racked my brain for weeks and spent hundreds of hours creating a plan that I thought was ambitious and crafty, but would require more endurance than willpower. My team of professionals and I had meetings upon meetings and discussed the matter before the actual implementation. We talked about the pros and cons - obstacles and distractions, laughter, tears and all. It was inevitable that I would have to conjoin two conflicting methodologies to solve a problem that nobody had diagnosed was there  - but only I was able to see it. How could this be? This client has spent thousands of dollars on therapy and psychologists here in Atlanta? How could they miss it? I don't now and frankly, I didn't care anymore. All I know is that the client had put the future of her daughter's life in my hands. As always, I felt like the "fixer" - and that's all I know how to do. Fix other people's mistakes.

So we have spent less than four months working on the plan. After hours of phone calls/meetings/emails and text messages - everything (surprisingly) went as planned and all goals and objectives were achieved. When I picked up the phone in the last week, my team had inundated me with the important details of what has happened and was excited to share with me the significant milestones that she had clearly reached. Even the conversation with my client's mother started off in the most jovial manner where she stated, "the psychologist cannot believe how much she has improved in one quarter. She doubted that it could happen." I'm sure that may be the mentality that most people have in education - but I do not feel that it is the norm.

At the end of the day, it's times like these where I feel that sometimes learning is not about setting limits like in Calculus class, it's about discovering your potential for being limitless! 

JATP Admissions 2014-2015

It's been a rather exciting year! We have kicked off with such an amazing start and have had some of the most focused parents consult with us. I'm happy to say that these parents will reap what they sow and believe me, there is quite a bit of great planning and results driven goal setting since the inception of this journey.

I'm happy to say that I've invested a great deal into researching the best and most updated products that have been added to our process. (Actually traveling to another country to grab an amazing product to help with intellectual development was quite nice as well!) One client actually told his mother, "There's so much that Ms. Christine does, we play games and have so much fun and I'm learning at the same time:)". I smile when I see the children work through every activity and can see the improvement in speed, agility, and mental flexibility every time we work.

If you would like more information about JATP Admissions Consultation for 2014-2015, feel free to call me at 404-964-8533.

Sharing what I wrote in Graduate School. I think I intellectually, "Black Out" when I write....

Why are you unable to make a defensible causal claim based on an observed relationship between two variables?

The inability to make a defensible causal claim based on an observed relationship between two variables is because the two variables do not necessarily have a direct correlational effect upon one another.

This type of argumentation can be classified as one that is fallacious. This error in reasoning has been known as a syllogism in the field of philosophy. In order for the argument to be true, then the premise of the entire argument must be true as well.

Take into account the example of the “stereotype effect” that was given in the text. They briefly describe this “stereotype effect” to have an impact on a certain group that you are akin to based on a particular situation that you may fall into and how you may behave because of it.

One example that they had used was one that, until now, is difficult to understand. A particular study was conducted on individuals who were scheduled to take the Graduate Record Exam. They described a situation in which one particular group of individuals did not score well. After publicizing this information, the targeted group that they spoke of – the African American group, did not do well whereas the African Americans who had not been given any data on the success or failure rate of their cohorts performed where they should have performed normally.

A group of social scientists called the Behaviorists, have strictly opposed how one factor can be related to another factor. This phenomena would be “impossible to observe objectively” and thus did not make a considerable impact on the field of statistics.

Math Memorization...

As an educator, it is a mystery as to why some students learn the basic operations much more fluently than others. I will, however, say that some of these processes do need to be drilled in order for children to show automaticity in that skill.

My own experience with math stems from my ability to create a vivid mental picture of what the problem looks like. For some reason, because of my own internal pressure to be "good at math", I would lie in my bed, look up at the ceiling and paint the numbers and operations in my head. I would sit up and write what I remembered on a blank piece of paper to see if it was correct. I was lucky - at seven years old I realized that I tricked myself into learning something that many others had memorized.

When children need to learn something, whether it be math or spelling or the names and capitals of states and countries, they need to discover their own personal and unique way of learning. For me, it's a skill that I share with my students and feel very passionately about. When you find it, you'll never want to give that Secret of Memorization away.

Instead of focusing on the "what" focus on the "how" of learning. We'll always need to learn something new - whether it's an appliance that you just purchased or a new teacher that your child has to encounter. It's your job to help yourself learn how to commit these things to memory.

Common Core Sore

I've been asked by people both in and out of my circle about the Common Core Standards. The Common Core Standards are a set of objectives that the Department of Education has mandated that all states follow to strengthen the position of the United States as it attempts to earn back it's place in this global competition. What I have discovered in the last few months are rather disturbing.

Many States Are Not Ready To Implement the Common Core

I've done my research and have been extremely disappointed at the fact that despite these standards have been put in place for several years, many states have not prepared for the implementation of the rigor and difficulty of the new standards. In Georgia, I've noticed a few passive attempts to "talk to the public" about these new standards, but it's been nothing more than a mere whisper to announce that they are going to integrate these standards by merely posting the standards in the classroom....

Publishers and Book Companies Do Not Know How To Address The Common Core

When we had the CRCT, EOCT in Georgia, it was fairly easy to understand how to teach various objectives to students. As we have migrated to Common Core, the task is to teach this new generation how to think "critically". Over the last few years, I have yet to see publishers compile the ideal set of resources to help students achieve this goal. Curriculum developers are struggling to do this which results in poorly written books, study guides and materials that lack in the content needed to help students, school staff, and parents with better test goals.

Teachers Want To Teach, But Are Lacking The Support

As a professional, the most important aspect that can attribute to success is being prepared. The fact that many of these professionals are being given standards without a blueprint to reference really bothers me.

I've done research and have noted that many school districts in every state have been given the directive to establish benchmark assessments and leveled questions that will address these standards. The fact of the matter is, the reason why your teacher may be struggling teaching your students is because they do not know what to teach. 

What Can Be Done?

Let's face it, children are struggling in school. If the expectations are not presented properly, it will be difficult for them to perform at any level. I am unsure as to how long it will take for the various school districts and states to follow through on their promise to help students "reach for the top", but until that happens, I would not wait for your child to fail.

As a company, we've made certain that we have the resources and materials to help each student access the information that they need in order to be confident and successful in their educational endeavors. Months have been spent aligning our services and products to make sure that we have everything that we need so that every minute we spend working with the student yields the best results. It's something that we have seen tremendous results in - and has attributed to the success of many who have called on us.

The Back-To-School Daze

10 Tips to get you child's mind back on track

As students begin their "Back to school" routine, their minds still traverse in a state of disarray, struggling to engage into the educational environment filled with academic expectations but still in the “summer mode”. 

By week 3,  I begin to see parents take drastic measures when the first series of performance assessments start rolling in. I’m embarrassed to say that I've see it all: parents begin by removing privileges, placing students on restriction, having students write essays on the effects of laziness and disrespect. Some of the funnier, and more unorthodox methods such as removing the child’s bedroom door or installing a series of video cameras in their room or website tracking software on their laptops either deters or exacerbates these behaviors otherwise known as “Delayed Academic Achievement Daze”. 

The sad thing is, it doesn't have to be that way for many of our students. Here are 10 tips to get you students focused and “back in the game”:

10. Set a Routine

Some of the best parents that I have encountered keep check lists. Believe it or not, students crave check lists and want to feel accomplished when they come home. Before school starts, begin with a simple check list that will leave them feeling proud out loud!

9. Don't put too much on their plate in the first month

Being Supermom or Superdad will make you SuperStressed. Give students a light load and focus on what is important. Allow them to ease into the school year with traditional activities that focus on duty before fun. Yes, encourage play outside, but make sure that you have enough time to get your academics in. If you put too much on their schedule, other activities like sports or recreation may overwhelm them and take away time from what they need to learn.

8. Remove Distractions

Television and video games are great (and a necessity in some households) however, these should be turned into privileges and not hindrances to what they need to do afterschool. Kids need to learn that leisure occurs after they have worked. (Yes, that means that video game time should be earned, not given). Think of it this way - your children do not see Daddy playing video games for two hours before he goes to work, right? As a family you should be committed to the routine of preparing for what activity/obligation is to come. Practicing the mindful art of preparation, centeredness and focus as they prepare for school week will help them enjoy their highly deserved fun-filled weekends (and not take you for granted).  

7. Be the director, not the actor!

You are in charge, and must learn how to delegate the responsibility of having your child learn how to think, act, and care for themselves. Your role is to serve as the best role model you can be and to encourage these behaviors from your children.

6. Small steps towards big rewards

Do you remember how hard it was for your children to learn how to color within the lines? Well, their development is even harder to contain within the lines.

Regardless of what goals you set for your children (both stated and implied), it is vital that you celebrate those little milestones to help them understand their full potential. If it’s something as simple as saying, “I am so proud of you for starting your homework on time” or, “You are growing up to be such a responsible little man by putting your play clothes in the hamper”, those words will not fall into deaf ears for your children who love to please mommy and daddy.

5. Do Summer Learning - Student's who engage in academics over the summer are more likely to transition more easily into the school year. Plus, they won't have as much summer learning loss to contend with. (Learn More about Summer Learning)

4. Encourage positive behaviors

Don’t bribe, threaten, or bully your kids when they don’t act in the way that you want them to behave. Serve as a testament for how you want them to live your life.

My mom would tell me little things that I remember to this day that I share with my clients. Whenever I went shopping and was in the dressing room and did not like the clothes that I picked up, my mother would always say, “Be a good citizen and put things back. Be respectful of the people and the world around you.” It sounds much better than, “You are a slob!” doesn’t it?

3. Inspect what you expect

So, you want your children to be respectful children who will be model citizens in the community. If you do not know what types of shows they watch or the company that they keep, it will be hard to see where some of the negative behaviors they had picked up came from. If you do not have time to observe the quality programming that they are watching Monday - Friday (and if you think that all television shows that have children in them are wholesome, think again. These shows encourage intolerable behaviors that would constitute a one-way ticket to restriction prison). then maybe it would be prudent to give them only a half hour to watch while you are in close proximity. The same goes for play dates, sleep overs, and movie outings.

2. Check their homework daily

Ask if they understand what they have just completed and have them show you that it’s done - CORRECTLY. If my parents actually opened up my subtraction folder from 2nd grade, I think that they would have said that they brought home the wrong baby from the hospital (To this day, I only know subtraction through addition.. go figure!).

LASTLY... 

1. Get yourself an educational manager, someone who can help you with the many aspects of learning both academic and intellectual. 

Learning Ridge is one of the few companies who focus on a holistic approach focusing not only on the subject and grades but on the student as a whole.

JATP Private School Admissions - 8 kids admitted into the same school?

2013-2014 is the year that I thought that I had it all figured out. My clients started early to get their students into their dream school and we came up with plans, schedules, and more plans. Before I looked up, I thought that it would be impossible to accomplish this feat. We had charts and time lines and deadlines and then.. the letters.

If anyone knew what needed to be done during those last few months I would have won a Nobel Peace Prize for Parental Humanity. I enjoyed every minute working with these potential private school students and visualizing them enroll into the school of their choosing. It's hard when you work with so many different clients and have to keep things in perspective. Some clients would have sleepless nights thinking of what agenda each school had while other clients blissfully would send me a screen shot of their acceptance letter. The best feeling that I had this year was when I calculated all of the students that I had and sorted them into the schools that they were accepted into. My last count - 8 kids enrolled into the best private school in Atlanta! (That was just one school, there were too many to count this year.)

Thanks to all of my clients that trusted my advice, my feedback, and my direction. I told many of you that it would all work out and it did!

False Sense of Success During the Honeymoon Week in School

It's the first week of school and other than the late bus ride home, parents are elated at the thought that their children are happy to be at school.

You breathe out a sigh of relief as your child jumps out of the school bus and says that they just love school. What most people do not realize is that the first week is called "the honeymoon period" and some schools have indoctrinated to each of the teachers that they want children to feel good about the process.

I like this idea - maybe for a day. I think it might even be a better idea to start the school year with an assembly and introduce the teachers as the rock stars that they are. I know that in Europe the Kindergarten students are given gifts by their parents to give them a sweet taste in their mouth as they embark their journey into the halls of education. I started at a private pre-school and my parents took the cutest picture of me in a white uniform and a really pretty pink ribbon in my hair. School was everything and anything that I wanted it to be, but after this week - that is when reality sets in.

Parents who have children in programs for remediation or who have needed tutoring in the past to help close the gap wait weeks or even months before they call for help. It sounds like they want to do their child a favor by waiting to give them the assistance that they need but what ends up happening is that their child falls further and further behind. They forget how to approach problems because they have spent the last 12 - 20 weeks doing anything but studying. It's not a good practice, but I see this happening each and every year.

If you are a parent that has had problems in the past with your child learning the concepts during the school year, remember - Early Intervention is the Key!

Motivation and Achievement

Growing up in a big family, it's ironic that I spent the majority of my time alone. I was the middle child lodged between my older brother and my younger brother, seven years older and younger respectively. It was hard for me to relate to their "play styles" and even more difficult for me to compete with them. At the end of the day, I was left to observe the world and understand things without an explanation.

Late this week I watched a movie pertaining to a fictional depiction of the Spelling Bee. As my husband briefly went over the synopsis with me, I whispered to him that I was the runner up for the Spelling Bee when I was in 6th grade. My husband then asked me, "who helped you, your mom, dad, brother?". I laughed out loud and said, "What? Nobody helped me with that! Everything that I had learned up to that point was accomplished by me."

Then we watched the entire movie from start to finish. If I had told my younger self what I had seen in that movie, I think my younger self would have the same look of disdain that I had that evening. I had to ask, "Why do you need to study or even be coached to do something like that?" or "That's cheating!" would be my response. Everything that we had worked for when I was in school was through our own "blood, sweat and tears". We always did things independently and the only assistance that we would give ourselves would be peer assistance.

The reason why I mention this is that I've noticed that some parents push their kids to do things that they may not want to do. Sometimes it's to be the best at a sport that they hate or to be first chair in an instrument that they may not even like. It bothers me to no end to see children being busy for the sake of being busy. There is no purpose for what they are involved in and it seems that the busier the children are, the smarter that they are perceived to be.

When I spoke to a parent early last week, she asked me if  I thought it would be a good idea for her daughter to spend a few hours a week learning how to use an abacus. A monkey can use an abacus - if you want your daughter to imitate a monkey I guess that would be a good idea but I personally have my own opinion about what a child should learn. The smartest of my clients use calculators, I am trying hard to find a reason why your child would need to learn how to calculate things rather quickly. If you are going for a world record, or if there is a scholarship in school for some abstract skill - then go for it. (I was a Business Scholar at the age of 16, my two brothers and my niece were on Music Scholarships, and my grandfather was multilingual (four languages by the age of 21). The hardest part of being a parent is learning how and what to prioritize - focusing on quality versus quality and acknowledging the strengths and the weaknesses of your children.

My father knew best. At 19, I was discovered by a talent scout that wanted me to be signed on by an agency to become an actress. I was motivated at the time to embark on this career. I came home to tell my father and without blinking his eyes he said, "This will be a bust. Did you forget that you have stage fright?" I was definitely blind-sighted by the statement and went on to audition and realized that when there was a room full of people I would begin to freeze. Dad knew what I was great in (helping people in private) and knew what I should stay away from.

If you are a parent, learn more about your child and what your shared goals are before you commit them to anything. It's important for you to understand and respect them as your children and they will in turn respect you.

Knowing How To Say “No”

It seems simple, your child makes a request that you think is not worthy of an affirmative response. “10 more minutes of television please” or even “I want to have candy after dinner!”. It seems implausible but when I glance over at parents - I see that they have been abated into parental abandonment and emotional torture when their own children are unable to take “no” for an answer.

How Can You Say “No”

From the person who cleans the floor, to the individuals at the top of the corporate chain, the word “no” is something that they need to deal with and overcome. What would happen every time someone objected to an idea that Bill Gates had and he started screaming at the technology professional? Or if the young man who asked for a raise after 2 years of loyal service left to go to a competitor? The world would not be a very happy or productive place if people could not understand that certain things have certain answers.

As a great parent, I encourage you to help your child understand why a certain response is put in place. When delivering the message - it is important for your child to understand why you must not yield to their whims. 

For example: “I’m sorry, you can’t have that extra scoop of ice cream because we need to save some for the next time we have dessert” would be a good way to pacify your child when they are looking for more food. If your child is screaming at the top of their lungs wanting a toy that you think is beyond their toy budget, tell them, “We have a certain amount set aside for your toy budget sweetheart. We need to save for other things that you want and need such as food, clothing, and your activities that you like so much.” Help your child understand what the reasons are for the disapproval on their childhood request form, a not not just “No”.

Why You Should Learn To Say “No”

This will definitely help as your child learns to regulate their emotions and manage expectations that they have of you, and the rest of the world. Think about it, your role as a parent isn’t to make them happy at every moment of their life, but to prepare them for the life that they are about to live under your guidance. Understanding how to deal with adversity and the simplicity of things will result in a happy, more self-reliant young adult.

Why I've Lost My Patience When It Comes To..

It was a difficult conversation that I had with my husband. After years of research and hours spent writing papers and citing case studies, I told him those few words that made him screech, "Oh no".

The conversation went something like this, "You know how I work at the school for 180 days? I hate to say this out loud, but I'm really only happy for about ten of those days..." He looked at me with utter contempt as though I've been living this duplicitous life telling people that I love children but I didn't want to be in the classroom.

"What, are you out of your mind? How can you only be happy for 10 of those days?"

It was then that I told him about the logistical make up of the school year. The kids come in from a long (very long) summer break and so you remediate them for a few days - actually weeks. Just when they think that you are being nice to them, they start taking tests for which most of them are sure not to do well. Every day you help prepare them for these tests and dance around the fact that sometimes these tests do not correlate to the skills that they will need later on in life. Time management, social skills, responsibility, motivation,  - all the different factors that help determine one's success is expected but not explained. I had a major problem with that.. and most of all with what matters the most.

Feedback. Outside of taking tests, there are very few opportunities for educators to know that we did a job well done. As an overachiever myself, I like to know who understood the amazing lesson that I had delivered on solving two step equations, but "pop quizzes" seemed to be so out of style. Where was the barometer of success and continuous improvement that you need to give to people so that they know what they can work on. It seemed to not occur in the classroom until I found my calling.....

Every opportunity I had after school to work with a student who had suffered from a set back such as a reading delay or an executive functioning delay - I took on. Many clients that I work with had come to me after seeing "Dr. Whoever" who would recommend the person who provided them with financial incentives. As I had started doing my own research I discovered (and was disappointed) at how misleading other professionals had been in providing services. Coming from a family whose reputation was a higher priority than riches, I never wanted to engage in anything that would compromise my value system. Sometimes I would look at reports or journals of what other professionals have (or have not done) and would feel utter bitterness for people who like to take advantage of situations. I'm not skeptical that certain systems do or do not work, I'm skeptical at business practices that spell out "Unethical" in my book.

When someone comes to me, I'm happy to say that after countless hours studying and applying psychology and working with individuals one on one to modify behavior, it takes way more than a ten day class to incorporate changes to one's brain. There is a science behind and a reason surrounding everything that I do and one thing that my clients hear me saying time and time again is, "I don't want to waste time.. especially yours..." I am a very, very impatient person who likes to get things done and it's been great working with the parents who have learned to trust my process. It has always served them well.. 

Can I Get A Side Of Learning With My School Choice?

I'm not trying to be facetious... Well, maybe I am. Here's my beef today. What is it with expecting that teachers teach at schools?

I'm a teacher (even though I am not in a classroom) and the goal of a teacher, or maybe let's be a little more sensible, the responsibility of a teacher is to provide education for students. Easy enough, you provide education for a student however, how can you measure how well they perform in this task?

Let's say that you enroll your child in an educational environment where the primary goal is their independence and a certain freedom within limits. I like the way that all of this sounds until I through in some other words like, objectives, goals, expectations. It's really easy to put children in an environment where they play all day, if your dream is to have a class full of children who will grow up to be "players". If your goal is to have your children learn how to use those "independent skills" so that they can read and write... what should you do?

You should either place them in a different school that emphasizes this skill set or provide them with an environment that does so. When I was five years old, my parents bought a bike for me. It stood in the garage until I worked up the courage to teach myself how to ride the bike. (Yes, I did. I'm quite proud of this feat and I think that my parents always knew how independent and resilient child #3 was in comparison to #1,2,4-6).. For some reason, riding a bike made sense to me. Mom and dad provided me, "the child" with the proper environment and support to learn how to ride a bike and hopefully, I will learn that given skill. They supported me in my quench for knowledge (since independent learning was rampant in my family) so when I wanted to learn, I would retreat to the libraries with my friends. My older brother on the other hand, not so much. His interests dealt more with social activities rather than intellectual ones and so I had to assist him with college level courses when I was still in middle school. (There was even a time that I wanted to go in and take his tests in math, science and english until I realized that he would be kicked out of university for that. He liked the idea of getting grades for not doing any work. I liked the idea of learning things  beyond what was expected. Nothing has changed in the last .....ty years..)

So when a school does not provide you with the tools that your child needs to succeed, you should act swiftly and with patience. Because in the grand scheme of things, this problem (unlike that of my older brother) will not solve itself.

Is Your Child Ready For Overnight Camp?

For most kids, it’s a time during the summer that they look forward to the most: the experience of going to their first overnight camp! For weeks at a time, they will have butterflies thinking of all the fun activities they will be engaged in while away from their parents. Mornings spent with peers talking about the events from the night before will show in their eyes as they exchange stories with more excitement than an action packed blockbuster movie. However, there are some kids that may not have the same experience.

Going to your first overnight camp can be overwhelming when you are not quite ready. Some children may experience unnecessary anxiety and stress because they are either unfamiliar with the set up of staying somewhere overnight that is not “home” or are unprepared socially for being in a camp setting. 

I had the experience of watching one of my favorite 2nd graders attend a camp for a total of 30 hours before the Camp Director and the child decided that this experience was not one that was mutually beneficial. It was devastating to hear the anguish of the father as he had to drive his son back and endure the six hour trip listening to the reasons why his experience was a horrible one.

If you believe that your child may not be 100% ready to attend camp, here are some tips to help them get ready for that first “going away” experience:

• Help coordinate a Large Group Play Date

Yes, your child has a wonderful best friend who you treat as that other member of your family. Let the summer be a time where your child can learn to socialize and play with a larger circle of friends. The exposure and experience will help them prepare to be around different personalities and be more comfortable as a result.

Schedule field trips to local places and stay there for the whole day

The Zoo, the Georgia Aquarium, the Coca Cola Museum, there are many “whole day” excursions from which your child can choose from. Going on a field trip is more than just learning about what the particular venue has to offer. It is an opportunity to plan the events for the day and to also pacify oneself when you have a sudden onset of boredom. Kids learn at any given moment when they have an experience that is memorable and meaningful and you can learn from them too!

• Give your child unstructured free time

This is a tough one for some parents, but be creative when giving your children free time. For example, you can give them a few hours to themselves but place limitations on it. Telling your child “this afternoon is all yours - you can do whatever you want to do, but it has to be technology free” may lead your child to pick up an outdoor activity rather than staying indoors. Another example can be stated with a simple, “This morning we can do anything that requires us to use paint”. Give your child the ability to make executive decisions and plan out the process of time management. You will be surprised at what they’ll come up with.

• Create a series of “Community Overnight” Camps

If you live in a thriving subdivision or a great community of like-minded parents, gather up your children and help co-sponsor some overnight camps. The children will learn how to build better communication skills with those that they are familiar with and will have memories that will be cherished for years to come.

Want to be a little more daring? Parents who are hosting can have a special time where they are the “Featured Guest Speaker” and can share a scary/funny/inspirational story to all of the kids that are there. (Yes, my father sat in one night and told all of my friends stories of his childhood and how unbelievably mischievous he was. It ended up being a night of Community Comedy sponsored by “My dad”.)

• Have your child take classes over the summer

It’s important that children learn how to be comfortable in different situations. Allowing them to take classes over the summer will not only help them work on a different skill or talent, but it will help them actively engage in the learning process. They’ll learn that education is something that happens when you are not looking and will be grateful that you helped them along the way.

If you have any questions about getting your child get ready for Summer Camps, choosing a Summer Camp, or enrolling in a Summer Learning Camp featuring Handwriting Without Tears, Singapore Math, and Orton-Gillingham at Learning Ridge this summer, feel free to visit www.learningridge.com or contact me at christine@learningridge.com.

Have a Great Summer! 

An Alternative to Bullying Prevention? Assertiveness Training!

It was a warm April day and I was about to approach my client’s house for a home visit. As I was walking towards the driveway, I noticed two elementary aged girls approaching the house. Instantly I thought it was a play date that was accidentally scheduled but what it was surprised me more than anyone can imagine.

“Hi, we live in the neighborhood and ride the same bus as David, Are you David’s mom?”, the taller girl asked as if she was a seasoned Business Development Manager in another life. “Well, we wanted to let you know that for the past few weeks, David has been really bugging my friend and I both in the bus and out of the bus. I just wanted you to know that..” 

It was quite an interesting event to watch a ten-year old with more gravitas and tact than some adults I’ve encountered in the past. Tall girl then looked over at short girl and said, “Tell David’s mom what he’s been doing to you when we were on the bus.” This other girl was not as talkative and briefly said, “Everything that you said.”. 

David’s mom was in shock that her son was being put to trial without representing himself in his own home. She did however mention to me later on how much she admired these two girls for speaking up for themselves and not involving their parents in the sometimes trivial minutiae that is called, “bullying”.

If you are a parent or grandparent of a child, try to instill in them the value of communication and being assertive. Often times children will resort to tattle tailing or retaliation when minor things occur. When conflicts arise, teach them the art of “verbal self defense” by explaining to them that when someone does something that hurts you, be direct when you communicate the result of their actions. This will prevent a great deal of time and misunderstanding if we teach children how to communicate early!

For more information about parenting advice, executive functioning, or premium educational programs, please contact Christine at christine@learningridge.com or 404-964-8533.

In the heart of my organization...

It's been a rather adventurous few months for me. As I look back, I can say that it's been such a challenge meeting the needs (demands) of my wonderful clients and finding the right people to step in for me to help them when I am unable to.

I can say that without a doubt, I've met some extremely wonderful people throughout the last few years. Sometimes the professionals that I have hired have been my "Angels without wings" and other times.... well, let's not say anything mean. The reason why I'm writing is because as an employer, today is probably the day that I have dreaded more than most days during business operations.

A loyal tutor of mine had to give me her notice because of certain life events. I'm more than ecstatic about it as I always want the best for the people that I care about, especially the ones who have contributed  a great deal of happiness and joy that I have been fortunate enough to feel because of their contributions. However, I knew that this day would eventually come for everyone. Sometimes it's different with other people in an organization. But this time I thought, if I have more people like her that enter my organization and leave, I'm going to have to think of a different way to recoup the loss.

We all have people that work for us that we enjoy being around. Not all of them light up the room, cheer you up when you are sad, or give you the best that they can give you and never ask for anything more. Sometimes I wish there were more people that can be like that but my husband always says, "you would take it for granted if they all were like that." It's hard separating my business life from my professional life because I feel so alive when my group of people are able to help those that ask us for help. It was equally even more difficult because I try to not be emotional around people because to me, it's a sign of weakness.

As I prepared to meet with my loyal tutor one last time, I decided to pick up a card and a gift for her. I wrote some sentences in the card and almost sealed it up before looking at my husband and said, "this is really hard for me. I don't think that I've said what I wanted to say." His usual directness stepped in and he replied, "Well, what do you want to tell her?" I stopped for a second and said, "That I'll miss having her with us.."

"Then write that on the card. I know it's hard for you to say things that you want to say - that's why you have cards."

And so it ended with the last line of the card being, "You'll be missed."

It was my way of thanking her for being not only a part of my organization, but showing me that integrity, dedication and loyalty is what has kept my head up all of these years.

Thanks so much G!  

Why I Really Want To Go To Private School

When kids are really young, let's say 4 or 5 years old, they cannot tell the difference between going to one school over another. It's hard for them to differentiate between what a good school is versus a bad school because their experiences are so limited.

This is not the case for all students. I've recently had the opportunity to work with one of the nicest, well-rounded and influential families I have ever met in my entire life. Unlike many children that I've encountered, this family is comprised of a hard-working and protective father, conscientious and generous mother, and three children who possess the lack of materialistic attachment synonymous with a Buddhist monastery. Most families are well-off financially, with this family they are not only well-off, but secure in the fact that they do not need to show it or make you feel badly that you are not "one of the 1% of 1%".

I remember the day as if it were yesterday. Before I started working with the little girl, I asked her, "Why do you want to change schools? I've heard so many great things about your public school." What she was about to tell was not typical of what most children tell me. Usually their response is a simple, "I don't know" or "My mom and dad want me to go to the school because I'll be able to go to an Ivy League school". What she told me resonated in my heart and in my mind forever.

"At my school, I feel invisible and the girls are mean to me."

SHE'S NOT EVEN 10! I was about to explode when she told me that because I thought that kids didn't show these behaviors until they were in middle school! It broke my heart in so many pieces that I felt that somehow, somewhere, the system has let us down. I feel that as an adult, many of my peers in the school system have become so overburdened with their work load that they forget about the emotional well-being of their students.

Let's think about this for a minute: As an adult it is very difficult to focus on your job or your family if there is a major stressor in your life. The nice thing about being an adult is that you are able to remedy the situation by talking to someone in your life who plays a supporting role in order to help you. This is not the case for a kindergartener, 1st or 2nd grader who blames themselves for being an outcast.

I'm fully aware that not all children will learn to get along - adults do not even know how to get along. The least that parents and other adults can do is model tolerant behaviors around their children. When you see someone that may be different from you, talk to your child about how to initiate conversations with them and not pose judgment. If you are at the park and your child is comfortable playing with their core group of friends and there is a new person that is playing by themselves, encourage your child to reach out and ask the child to play with them.

I've met many children in my lifetime and I've noticed that as a group, we could really work on making the new generation more inclusive and tolerant of other people. It's not a privilege that we have, it's our responsibility to teach our children to be cordial to each other and respectful of other's feelings.

Happy Kids... are not always Pleasant Kids

It's been quite a while since I've picked up the virtual pen, AKA "keys on the keyboard". Sometimes I feel like my late grandfather publishing books on topics which he cared so much about in the world, hoping to make a difference by communicating what he has observed time in and time out. It's my turn to hold the torch - hoping to discuss what I see with children, their parents, behavioral expectations, and education.

I interact and see a huge number of kids. It's amazing to observe children in their natural state, not when they are at school but when they are at home with their parents and other loved ones. This is the time when you would think that you see the best of children. This is also the time when you see the most brutal part of who they are too: their true self.

When only myself and the child are around, two things transpire: expectations that the child perform at their best without being prodded by a parent and that they show me what they are capable of doing. I am very surprised by the conversations that I have had with many children on how they share their utmost feelings, wishes and desires. One child that I am particularly fond of heard my stomach growl and rather than make me feel like a nuisance, smiled at me and said, "It's okay Miss C, my stomach growls too. It's normal.". Children grow up trying to please their parents however, it is the kindness and grace that they show to people around them that make them show their true character.

Not all children exhibit this. I fondly recall working with a child whose mother and father show all the traits of a "nice family". Two parent household, above average income, connections that only one in the White House can manage to be proud of. What they missed in raising their child was how to act and treat people with respect. This irks me beyond words, but there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. How can a couple with so much forget to teach their child that one character trait that prevents them from being at the top of the bully list in 2016?

It's because they don't care. The reason why is because they find justifiable reasons to tell their children that bullying is okay. When I asked the little girl, "When is your birthday?". She blurted out, "March 10th." I immediately asked her if she has planned her birthday party to include princesses and ponies. Her response was "Of course I've planned that." What shocked me was the next statement that she made, "But you are not INVITED! You are not a child and I can't invite you!". I was in total remorse that somehow, a child was capable of making such a repugnant comment that I feared for the other children around her that she would exclude and ostracize. Maybe she doesn't know it, maybe her parents don't know it, but somehow I felt that part of the innocence that I shared in her upbringing was taken away in that brief moment where she put her foot down and said, "I don't want you there." (Ironically, she bothered me for a treat afterwards.)

I'm not one to judge, but I am one to observe. There are many children in this world that are being labeled as bullies and for some strange reason, parents of those being bullied are starting to wonder why. Here's one hypothesis: those parents of bullies are not cognizant of what their child is doing. It is easier to tell your child that they are great in everything and that they can have everything than teaching them to share and care about the people and world around them. I know this because we grew up in a fairly large family and it takes more work for parents to be true parents that just a grown up friend for their kids.

I'm left saddened by the interaction that I had with this child, but at least I can be grateful to know that if I ever ask about a child's birthday ever again, I'll follow up by saying, "it's a kind deed to invite people that care about you on your birthday". 

Schools that say they can help with your struggles

Here's the scenario:

You realize that your child is having issues reading or completing math assignments at school. You hire someone either at the school or a tutor to help your child understand these concepts better. Things get worse after a few months and not only have you wasted an exorbitant amount of money or time, but now they run the risk of being not just a few months behind their peers but one year behind.

What most parents do at this point is ask the school to step in and find a specialist to help their student with whatever they are struggling with. I have seen this happen day in and day out and actually spoke to a specialist (actually, several specialists) at the school to ask them what their solution was in helping a child with certain issues. The responses that I have received were rather humorous, but alarming at the same time. One school said, "I don't know." Another school was a little more honest and stated, "We do the same work - just slower." Yet another school said, "We repeat the concept over and over and over until he gets it." Obviously this child doesn't get it if you just repeat the concepts over to him.

I've realized through the years that it is hard being a parent and even more difficult to find people that you can trust. I believe that it is important for parents to be proactive in finding solutions that work for their children and to trust a professional who has years of experience in handling the situation that is being presented. Every year, I see several clients that are new and I also see repeat clients that know that sometimes, it is a good idea to ask for help.

If you have a problem that you need to solve, don't hesitate to contact me at christine@learningridge.com. Our goal is to help guide your student onto the path to success. 

Admissions Preparation Update... Working on Transitions to the Next School Year

Yes, it's almost (at least that's what I think now) over.. Many parents are through the first two hurdles of Admissions Preparation and they are waiting for what's next. Now, my more outstanding clients are actually working with me on transition planning so that their student can stay ahead of the pack for the 2014-2015 school year.

This has been quite an interesting year. Unlike last year where one client decided to "scream his way into an assessment" (yes, it actually happened. I wonder what their tour to the school looked like that year.) we've had the opportunity to work with a great group of people this year as well as a few returning clients.

I'm excited to say that 95% of this work is done. In line with knowing that the children will be attending a new school, many of our clients have continued to work on transition planning to make sure that their child will "hit the ground running" when they are at the new school. It's one way to continue leading our clients onto the path to success.

The Ritual of Coming Home (or Leaving)

For the first eighteen or so years of your child's life, they live in this romanticized version of how their parents need to act around them and how their entire world will be given to them in the blink of an eye. My own baby brother lived this "delectable dream" of being financially dependent on my mom up until now (he is one year from 30.) Every month it seems like, his spending would be financed by my industrious and shrewd mother who would take care of his every whim whether it be his daily $10 Starbucks splurges to trips to Europe that (to the chagrin of the rest of his siblings) were rather gratuitous. It's not a surprise that I feel that austerity measures should be placed on lavish spending by parents onto their kids.

What I do not believe needs to be reduced is the overall experiences and "parent moments" that one provides to their children. Every time I meet up with my European mother-in-law, she tells me of the sacrifices that she had made for each of her sons but also the times that they spent together. When I speak to parents, I don't know why it is important to give them everything that they need. I think that it is more important to teach them delayed gratification and the idea that sometimes it is more exciting working towards a goal than achieving it. If families would re-evaluate the true economics of giving in, they might change the beat of their drum.

I'm not advocating for parents to stop spending money on their children. Instead, it may be better to substitute a material good with something that is experiential. There are fond memories that I have of my father taking me on every errand known to man that a father must make. From the auspices of going to the bank in order to make a deposit to the family account - to walking from our family car to the hardware store when it was 120 degrees in the summer, I have a rich bank of memories of watching my father passively show me what responsibility and character are. Even the most mundane task of driving me to my monthly orthodontist appointments where his shy yet handsome presence would be noticed by all the dental assistants still remind me today that for the most part, people remember you for how you made them feel and not who you are.

I've watched and listened to several kids judge other kids and families for who they are. It's a learned behavior and, to be quite honest with you, is one that breaks my heart. Families who have children that scream every time they hear the door crack knowing that mom or dad have just come home are the ones who know what having a family really means.