When kids are really young, let's say 4 or 5 years old, they cannot tell the difference between going to one school over another. It's hard for them to differentiate between what a good school is versus a bad school because their experiences are so limited.
This is not the case for all students. I've recently had the opportunity to work with one of the nicest, well-rounded and influential families I have ever met in my entire life. Unlike many children that I've encountered, this family is comprised of a hard-working and protective father, conscientious and generous mother, and three children who possess the lack of materialistic attachment synonymous with a Buddhist monastery. Most families are well-off financially, with this family they are not only well-off, but secure in the fact that they do not need to show it or make you feel badly that you are not "one of the 1% of 1%".
I remember the day as if it were yesterday. Before I started working with the little girl, I asked her, "Why do you want to change schools? I've heard so many great things about your public school." What she was about to tell was not typical of what most children tell me. Usually their response is a simple, "I don't know" or "My mom and dad want me to go to the school because I'll be able to go to an Ivy League school". What she told me resonated in my heart and in my mind forever.
"At my school, I feel invisible and the girls are mean to me."
SHE'S NOT EVEN 10! I was about to explode when she told me that because I thought that kids didn't show these behaviors until they were in middle school! It broke my heart in so many pieces that I felt that somehow, somewhere, the system has let us down. I feel that as an adult, many of my peers in the school system have become so overburdened with their work load that they forget about the emotional well-being of their students.
Let's think about this for a minute: As an adult it is very difficult to focus on your job or your family if there is a major stressor in your life. The nice thing about being an adult is that you are able to remedy the situation by talking to someone in your life who plays a supporting role in order to help you. This is not the case for a kindergartener, 1st or 2nd grader who blames themselves for being an outcast.
I'm fully aware that not all children will learn to get along - adults do not even know how to get along. The least that parents and other adults can do is model tolerant behaviors around their children. When you see someone that may be different from you, talk to your child about how to initiate conversations with them and not pose judgment. If you are at the park and your child is comfortable playing with their core group of friends and there is a new person that is playing by themselves, encourage your child to reach out and ask the child to play with them.
I've met many children in my lifetime and I've noticed that as a group, we could really work on making the new generation more inclusive and tolerant of other people. It's not a privilege that we have, it's our responsibility to teach our children to be cordial to each other and respectful of other's feelings.
This is not the case for all students. I've recently had the opportunity to work with one of the nicest, well-rounded and influential families I have ever met in my entire life. Unlike many children that I've encountered, this family is comprised of a hard-working and protective father, conscientious and generous mother, and three children who possess the lack of materialistic attachment synonymous with a Buddhist monastery. Most families are well-off financially, with this family they are not only well-off, but secure in the fact that they do not need to show it or make you feel badly that you are not "one of the 1% of 1%".
I remember the day as if it were yesterday. Before I started working with the little girl, I asked her, "Why do you want to change schools? I've heard so many great things about your public school." What she was about to tell was not typical of what most children tell me. Usually their response is a simple, "I don't know" or "My mom and dad want me to go to the school because I'll be able to go to an Ivy League school". What she told me resonated in my heart and in my mind forever.
"At my school, I feel invisible and the girls are mean to me."
SHE'S NOT EVEN 10! I was about to explode when she told me that because I thought that kids didn't show these behaviors until they were in middle school! It broke my heart in so many pieces that I felt that somehow, somewhere, the system has let us down. I feel that as an adult, many of my peers in the school system have become so overburdened with their work load that they forget about the emotional well-being of their students.
Let's think about this for a minute: As an adult it is very difficult to focus on your job or your family if there is a major stressor in your life. The nice thing about being an adult is that you are able to remedy the situation by talking to someone in your life who plays a supporting role in order to help you. This is not the case for a kindergartener, 1st or 2nd grader who blames themselves for being an outcast.
I'm fully aware that not all children will learn to get along - adults do not even know how to get along. The least that parents and other adults can do is model tolerant behaviors around their children. When you see someone that may be different from you, talk to your child about how to initiate conversations with them and not pose judgment. If you are at the park and your child is comfortable playing with their core group of friends and there is a new person that is playing by themselves, encourage your child to reach out and ask the child to play with them.
I've met many children in my lifetime and I've noticed that as a group, we could really work on making the new generation more inclusive and tolerant of other people. It's not a privilege that we have, it's our responsibility to teach our children to be cordial to each other and respectful of other's feelings.
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