It's been quite a while since I've picked up the virtual pen, AKA "keys on the keyboard". Sometimes I feel like my late grandfather publishing books on topics which he cared so much about in the world, hoping to make a difference by communicating what he has observed time in and time out. It's my turn to hold the torch - hoping to discuss what I see with children, their parents, behavioral expectations, and education.
I interact and see a huge number of kids. It's amazing to observe children in their natural state, not when they are at school but when they are at home with their parents and other loved ones. This is the time when you would think that you see the best of children. This is also the time when you see the most brutal part of who they are too: their true self.
When only myself and the child are around, two things transpire: expectations that the child perform at their best without being prodded by a parent and that they show me what they are capable of doing. I am very surprised by the conversations that I have had with many children on how they share their utmost feelings, wishes and desires. One child that I am particularly fond of heard my stomach growl and rather than make me feel like a nuisance, smiled at me and said, "It's okay Miss C, my stomach growls too. It's normal.". Children grow up trying to please their parents however, it is the kindness and grace that they show to people around them that make them show their true character.
Not all children exhibit this. I fondly recall working with a child whose mother and father show all the traits of a "nice family". Two parent household, above average income, connections that only one in the White House can manage to be proud of. What they missed in raising their child was how to act and treat people with respect. This irks me beyond words, but there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. How can a couple with so much forget to teach their child that one character trait that prevents them from being at the top of the bully list in 2016?
It's because they don't care. The reason why is because they find justifiable reasons to tell their children that bullying is okay. When I asked the little girl, "When is your birthday?". She blurted out, "March 10th." I immediately asked her if she has planned her birthday party to include princesses and ponies. Her response was "Of course I've planned that." What shocked me was the next statement that she made, "But you are not INVITED! You are not a child and I can't invite you!". I was in total remorse that somehow, a child was capable of making such a repugnant comment that I feared for the other children around her that she would exclude and ostracize. Maybe she doesn't know it, maybe her parents don't know it, but somehow I felt that part of the innocence that I shared in her upbringing was taken away in that brief moment where she put her foot down and said, "I don't want you there." (Ironically, she bothered me for a treat afterwards.)
I'm not one to judge, but I am one to observe. There are many children in this world that are being labeled as bullies and for some strange reason, parents of those being bullied are starting to wonder why. Here's one hypothesis: those parents of bullies are not cognizant of what their child is doing. It is easier to tell your child that they are great in everything and that they can have everything than teaching them to share and care about the people and world around them. I know this because we grew up in a fairly large family and it takes more work for parents to be true parents that just a grown up friend for their kids.
I'm left saddened by the interaction that I had with this child, but at least I can be grateful to know that if I ever ask about a child's birthday ever again, I'll follow up by saying, "it's a kind deed to invite people that care about you on your birthday".
I interact and see a huge number of kids. It's amazing to observe children in their natural state, not when they are at school but when they are at home with their parents and other loved ones. This is the time when you would think that you see the best of children. This is also the time when you see the most brutal part of who they are too: their true self.
When only myself and the child are around, two things transpire: expectations that the child perform at their best without being prodded by a parent and that they show me what they are capable of doing. I am very surprised by the conversations that I have had with many children on how they share their utmost feelings, wishes and desires. One child that I am particularly fond of heard my stomach growl and rather than make me feel like a nuisance, smiled at me and said, "It's okay Miss C, my stomach growls too. It's normal.". Children grow up trying to please their parents however, it is the kindness and grace that they show to people around them that make them show their true character.
Not all children exhibit this. I fondly recall working with a child whose mother and father show all the traits of a "nice family". Two parent household, above average income, connections that only one in the White House can manage to be proud of. What they missed in raising their child was how to act and treat people with respect. This irks me beyond words, but there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. How can a couple with so much forget to teach their child that one character trait that prevents them from being at the top of the bully list in 2016?
It's because they don't care. The reason why is because they find justifiable reasons to tell their children that bullying is okay. When I asked the little girl, "When is your birthday?". She blurted out, "March 10th." I immediately asked her if she has planned her birthday party to include princesses and ponies. Her response was "Of course I've planned that." What shocked me was the next statement that she made, "But you are not INVITED! You are not a child and I can't invite you!". I was in total remorse that somehow, a child was capable of making such a repugnant comment that I feared for the other children around her that she would exclude and ostracize. Maybe she doesn't know it, maybe her parents don't know it, but somehow I felt that part of the innocence that I shared in her upbringing was taken away in that brief moment where she put her foot down and said, "I don't want you there." (Ironically, she bothered me for a treat afterwards.)
I'm not one to judge, but I am one to observe. There are many children in this world that are being labeled as bullies and for some strange reason, parents of those being bullied are starting to wonder why. Here's one hypothesis: those parents of bullies are not cognizant of what their child is doing. It is easier to tell your child that they are great in everything and that they can have everything than teaching them to share and care about the people and world around them. I know this because we grew up in a fairly large family and it takes more work for parents to be true parents that just a grown up friend for their kids.
I'm left saddened by the interaction that I had with this child, but at least I can be grateful to know that if I ever ask about a child's birthday ever again, I'll follow up by saying, "it's a kind deed to invite people that care about you on your birthday".
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