3 Words/Phrases You Should Never Say To Your Children

Listening to conversations that parents have with their children, there are three words/phrases that make most professionals cringe when they are uttered from the lips of "good intention" mothers and fathers. Please keep in mind that your children remember what you say.... for years to come.

1. STUPID

Yes, I have heard parents use this term and to no avail - they do not know what an impact it has on their child. After meeting a child, it becomes obvious that this term is used because their posture and eye contact reveal that their self-esteem and confidence has been tarnished for some time.

The bottom line - do not use this word to describe your child.

2. CAN'T

Unless your child is 75 years of age, there is pretty much a limitless list of things that they "CAN" do. Their life has just begun and unless there have been 100's of hours of scientific research that has been done on your little one, it is almost impossible to use the word "can't" in front of an action word.

Believe that your child "can" read or "can" do math. Unless there is a semi-permanent or permanent physical/neurological condition that is irreversible at this given moment, your child "can" do whatever they set their minds to (given the proper environment and encouragement).

3. "His/her sister/brother/cousin/friend is smarter/cuter/funnier/better..."

Comparisons are for products - not people. Many people bear the brunt of being compared to other siblings, family members, friends, or even complete strangers - for their entire life. Keep in mind - not matter what your school of thought that no two children are alike - and should never be compared  despite their perceived likeness. The world would be so dull if the same families did nothing but imitate each other as if we were a well-bred species in the animal world.

I am grateful that I came from a very educationally competitive environment but I am also even more relieved that I did not have to be in the same profession as my siblings or cousins. We all have our strengths and challenges, and it is that unique makeup that becomes a contribution to the world that we live in.

What Are Habits of the Mind?

As a professional Educational Consultant, it is very important for me to review the academic rigor that if found in the curricula and schools that I come across. In my search to measure these different offerings, I have stumbled across one of the most important skill sets that this new generation will need to master in order to be successful.

In no particular order they are:

Critical Thinking

Creative Thinking

Collaboration

Communication

Yes, we did not include achievement or ability in this list. These are all individualized skills that each person must master on their own:) 

Multicultural Book Recommendation

Cradle Me!

by Debby Slier

Published by Star Bright Books, 2012
ISBN: 978-1-59572-274-4

Most babies love looking at babies! 

Take some time to look through the photographs of ten beautiful babies from ten different American Indian tribes, each one engaged in a typical cradle-board related activity (peeking, touching, crying, yawning, etc.). 

Your child will learn about the baby’s tribal affiliations as well as understanding how Native American mothers carry their children!

When You Ask A Question...

I often wonder the planning that is involved in formulating a question. As a Child Development Specialist, I oftentimes listen in on conversations that parents are having with their children and their need to respond to the question as quickly as possible.

Before you ask your child a question, make sure that you set your children up for success. Here are a few tips to help with this task:

1. Discover what they know or can remember. (Do you remember what happened to the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz?)

2. Find out what piqued their interest. (What was your favorite part of the movie? Why was it your favorite part?)

3. Develop ideologies and beliefs. (Why is it important to be courteous to those that are older than us? Why should you always be share your belongings at school?)

4. Test achievement. (What are some things that you would do to make your school lunch more enjoyable?)

5. Allow them to think critically. (How can the community come together to solve the problem of traffic in this city?)

With these helpful tips, you will build a more confident and aware young child!

Multicultural Book Recommendation!

Are you looking for a great book to help your child understand more about other cultures? Here is a book for you.

Older Brother, Younger Brother is a traditional Korean folktale explores the universal theme that if good is returned for ill treatment, good will triumph over evil.

This story was retold by Nina Jaffe, illustrated by Wenhai Ma (Viking, 1995).

One Size Never Fits All..

I enjoy working with all of my clients but sometimes, they leave to go on much needed vacations over the holidays to help their brain relax from all the learning and routine that they have been exposed to in the last few months.

The reason why I am writing this is because I want to stress that Learning Does Not Have To Take Place In A Building... It can take place anywhere - in the arms of a loving parent or grandparent, in the care of an astute professional, or through an environment rich with opportunities for development such as a community center or a library.

One of my little clients (although she is starting to grow at an Olympic rate and I am afraid that she will become taller than me by next year) left to travel overseas for almost six weeks. One month before her trip, her mother asked if I could prepare lessons for her that they can work on over the month. I obliged and completed a packet full of resources and activities that could augment in me not being there. When I handed the folder off, it was "Christine In A Box" - a basic substitution for me on vacation..

Weeks went by and as each major holiday passed, I would sit and aimlessly wonder how she was doing. I normally do not share this information with my clients (as it shows them how sentimental I become) but I would hope that her mother and her would share some quality time together and read some of the information that I had put together for her. I know how hard her mother works - (she reminds me of my own brother,  who recently had to quit his job to tend to my beautiful niece who has a physical disability) and was quite excited to see how she would execute the "vacation learning challenge" with me.

After all the major holidays passed, the mother finally contacted me when things had settled down from the trip. I was so excited to learn about how my little learner took to the books that I had prepared for her. I noticed that she had learned so much in the last few weeks that seemed like an eternity to me. She read all of the 72 books (yes - 72. You should have seen the look on my face when I gave those books to her mother. I was terrified that she would throw them all away in the garbage.) that I had passively assigned to her. It was as if she had been reading for the last few years - and not just a few months.

More importantly, when I finally met my little learner, I noticed a sense of closeness that she felt towards me that was not present before. Her "physical space" was a bit narrower and the only regret that I felt was that I did not seize the moment and applaud her for feeling comfortable. I was in complete awe with her development and was so proud to be a part of it all.

Private School Observations...

As the calendar year closes for 2012-2013 Admissions, I would like to know... "Are you ready for your observations?"

Waiting For The Breakthrough!

Every year as I take on new cases, I explain what happens or - what will happen to the minds of the young children that I work with. Parents take their time to understand this process and as a result, they look at their calendars and wait for what I call "The Breakthrough".

This breakthrough can be one of many things. For students with dyslexia - it could be the moment that they pick up a book and read to themselves when (they think) nobody is looking. For students with Autism - it could be when they initiate conversations with me without any type of prompting. For students with ADHD, it is when they are able to complete a task - all by themselves. For young students waiting to get into the private school of their choice, it is when they are able to develop such complex reasoning skills that they amaze their parents with their gift of conversation.

I believe that the product of my hard work and commitment to our clients is based on "Breakthroughs" that happen in the young minds of our children each and every day. There is nothing more enjoyable than to share these precious moments with their parents.

Recess - Revisited?

A Hufington Post article recently has stated that schools must examine their need for recess in the school day to promote coping skills, playing, and exercise.

According to the article, reasons why recess is important have been outlined, such as:

• When kids get breaks, they are more able to learn.
• Through play at recess, kids learn communication skills such as negotiation, cooperation, sharing and problem-solving.
• Play also gives kids opportunities to practice coping skills, such as perseverance and self-control.
• Kids need exercise. The AAP recommends an hour a day, and recess helps with that.
• Kids need to play, "for the sheer joy of it." Mental health is important too.

Exceeding Expectations For Reading!

As a professional, it brings a smile to my face each and every time I receive an email from a client. Sometimes they are passive emails that tell me that we need to change our schedule, sometimes it's a request to put a list of materials together for parents to pick up. The best emails are the ones where parents tell me of the progress that their child has made in the course of a few weeks, or months.

One of the last emails that I opened was from a mom that had just returned from an overseas vacation with her daughter and husband. I thought that the email would read like most of my other emails that would just reinforce the fact that we will begin our sessions in a few days. This email was different because it gave me an idea of what happens... when I am not around.

The "Mom" told me that her daughter had successfully read through the 72 books that I had given to her to read through the course of the month. I did not think that her daughter would do this because 1. she was on vacation 2. it was a lot of books. Regardless, this little girl did the impossible - she read the books and made both her mom and I so proud. I had been waiting all day to respond to the email - and am even more excited to see how much she has grown (both intellectually and emotionally) since our last session.