Listening to conversations that parents have with their children, there are three words/phrases that make most professionals cringe when they are uttered from the lips of "good intention" mothers and fathers. Please keep in mind that your children remember what you say.... for years to come.
1. STUPID
Yes, I have heard parents use this term and to no avail - they do not know what an impact it has on their child. After meeting a child, it becomes obvious that this term is used because their posture and eye contact reveal that their self-esteem and confidence has been tarnished for some time.
The bottom line - do not use this word to describe your child.
2. CAN'T
Unless your child is 75 years of age, there is pretty much a limitless list of things that they "CAN" do. Their life has just begun and unless there have been 100's of hours of scientific research that has been done on your little one, it is almost impossible to use the word "can't" in front of an action word.
Believe that your child "can" read or "can" do math. Unless there is a semi-permanent or permanent physical/neurological condition that is irreversible at this given moment, your child "can" do whatever they set their minds to (given the proper environment and encouragement).
3. "His/her sister/brother/cousin/friend is smarter/cuter/funnier/better..."
Comparisons are for products - not people. Many people bear the brunt of being compared to other siblings, family members, friends, or even complete strangers - for their entire life. Keep in mind - not matter what your school of thought that no two children are alike - and should never be compared despite their perceived likeness. The world would be so dull if the same families did nothing but imitate each other as if we were a well-bred species in the animal world.
I am grateful that I came from a very educationally competitive environment but I am also even more relieved that I did not have to be in the same profession as my siblings or cousins. We all have our strengths and challenges, and it is that unique makeup that becomes a contribution to the world that we live in.
1. STUPID
Yes, I have heard parents use this term and to no avail - they do not know what an impact it has on their child. After meeting a child, it becomes obvious that this term is used because their posture and eye contact reveal that their self-esteem and confidence has been tarnished for some time.
The bottom line - do not use this word to describe your child.
2. CAN'T
Unless your child is 75 years of age, there is pretty much a limitless list of things that they "CAN" do. Their life has just begun and unless there have been 100's of hours of scientific research that has been done on your little one, it is almost impossible to use the word "can't" in front of an action word.
Believe that your child "can" read or "can" do math. Unless there is a semi-permanent or permanent physical/neurological condition that is irreversible at this given moment, your child "can" do whatever they set their minds to (given the proper environment and encouragement).
3. "His/her sister/brother/cousin/friend is smarter/cuter/funnier/better..."
Comparisons are for products - not people. Many people bear the brunt of being compared to other siblings, family members, friends, or even complete strangers - for their entire life. Keep in mind - not matter what your school of thought that no two children are alike - and should never be compared despite their perceived likeness. The world would be so dull if the same families did nothing but imitate each other as if we were a well-bred species in the animal world.
I am grateful that I came from a very educationally competitive environment but I am also even more relieved that I did not have to be in the same profession as my siblings or cousins. We all have our strengths and challenges, and it is that unique makeup that becomes a contribution to the world that we live in.
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