For the first eighteen or so years of your child's life, they live in this romanticized version of how their parents need to act around them and how their entire world will be given to them in the blink of an eye. My own baby brother lived this "delectable dream" of being financially dependent on my mom up until now (he is one year from 30.) Every month it seems like, his spending would be financed by my industrious and shrewd mother who would take care of his every whim whether it be his daily $10 Starbucks splurges to trips to Europe that (to the chagrin of the rest of his siblings) were rather gratuitous. It's not a surprise that I feel that austerity measures should be placed on lavish spending by parents onto their kids.
What I do not believe needs to be reduced is the overall experiences and "parent moments" that one provides to their children. Every time I meet up with my European mother-in-law, she tells me of the sacrifices that she had made for each of her sons but also the times that they spent together. When I speak to parents, I don't know why it is important to give them everything that they need. I think that it is more important to teach them delayed gratification and the idea that sometimes it is more exciting working towards a goal than achieving it. If families would re-evaluate the true economics of giving in, they might change the beat of their drum.
I'm not advocating for parents to stop spending money on their children. Instead, it may be better to substitute a material good with something that is experiential. There are fond memories that I have of my father taking me on every errand known to man that a father must make. From the auspices of going to the bank in order to make a deposit to the family account - to walking from our family car to the hardware store when it was 120 degrees in the summer, I have a rich bank of memories of watching my father passively show me what responsibility and character are. Even the most mundane task of driving me to my monthly orthodontist appointments where his shy yet handsome presence would be noticed by all the dental assistants still remind me today that for the most part, people remember you for how you made them feel and not who you are.
I've watched and listened to several kids judge other kids and families for who they are. It's a learned behavior and, to be quite honest with you, is one that breaks my heart. Families who have children that scream every time they hear the door crack knowing that mom or dad have just come home are the ones who know what having a family really means.
What I do not believe needs to be reduced is the overall experiences and "parent moments" that one provides to their children. Every time I meet up with my European mother-in-law, she tells me of the sacrifices that she had made for each of her sons but also the times that they spent together. When I speak to parents, I don't know why it is important to give them everything that they need. I think that it is more important to teach them delayed gratification and the idea that sometimes it is more exciting working towards a goal than achieving it. If families would re-evaluate the true economics of giving in, they might change the beat of their drum.
I'm not advocating for parents to stop spending money on their children. Instead, it may be better to substitute a material good with something that is experiential. There are fond memories that I have of my father taking me on every errand known to man that a father must make. From the auspices of going to the bank in order to make a deposit to the family account - to walking from our family car to the hardware store when it was 120 degrees in the summer, I have a rich bank of memories of watching my father passively show me what responsibility and character are. Even the most mundane task of driving me to my monthly orthodontist appointments where his shy yet handsome presence would be noticed by all the dental assistants still remind me today that for the most part, people remember you for how you made them feel and not who you are.
I've watched and listened to several kids judge other kids and families for who they are. It's a learned behavior and, to be quite honest with you, is one that breaks my heart. Families who have children that scream every time they hear the door crack knowing that mom or dad have just come home are the ones who know what having a family really means.
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