When I observe parents, I typically look to see how they communicate with each other, how they deal with stress, and most importantly, how they deal with conflict. Since most of what children inherit from their parents is genetic, it should not surprise you that their behavior and mannerisms would be an extension of what you give to them as well.
Take for example my paternal grandfather. A man who was very humble yet educated beyond the realms of most standards. He did nothing but pursue a great education and raise his children with the same values. He put his family first, loved his wife, and upheld a code of conduct that was passed through generations after him. He was quick to uphold discipline but slow in criticizing and giving not only his children but his great grandchildren the advice they needed to be successful in life. He is one of my heroes and has taught generations after him the importance of "saving face", something that many individuals nowadays do not even have an inkling of knowing.
In my everyday life, I have seen many parents behave in the opposite respect. Sometimes their quick tempers flare up and effects their children - even when they are not aware that they are there. Their body language showing that they are upset or feeling let down also has a negative effect on their child as they mimic the same behaviors. I remember one of the stories that I heard from a child that told me that his mom was mad at him. It broke my heart to think that anybody can be "mad" at a four year old who wants nothing more than to be loved and praised for being who he is. When he told me the story that "my mom always gives me a hug and a kiss goodnight and when she is upset, she doesn't" made me want to cry. It's hard enough making sense of the world around you outside of your home but the least that this parent could have done is have a conversation with the child about what may have been concerning her, rather than withholding the love that all children need and deserve.
I am not saying that you need to constantly coddle your child. It's impossible - with all the demands that are put on a parent it would be inherently difficult to do that. What I am saying is that giving your child the gift of communication is very intimate. If you are upset you can say something along the lines of "Sweetheart, sometimes mommy has a bad day and I know that I forgot to give you your hug/kiss last night. It's not because I don't love you - it's just because I forget. Don't ever think that you are not the most important little man in my life because you are, no matter where I am or what I am feeling." It's simple conversations like these that make the biggest impact to your children. They are the ones who love you and need you the most and regardless of what may be troubling you, they do make things easier for you!
Take for example my paternal grandfather. A man who was very humble yet educated beyond the realms of most standards. He did nothing but pursue a great education and raise his children with the same values. He put his family first, loved his wife, and upheld a code of conduct that was passed through generations after him. He was quick to uphold discipline but slow in criticizing and giving not only his children but his great grandchildren the advice they needed to be successful in life. He is one of my heroes and has taught generations after him the importance of "saving face", something that many individuals nowadays do not even have an inkling of knowing.
In my everyday life, I have seen many parents behave in the opposite respect. Sometimes their quick tempers flare up and effects their children - even when they are not aware that they are there. Their body language showing that they are upset or feeling let down also has a negative effect on their child as they mimic the same behaviors. I remember one of the stories that I heard from a child that told me that his mom was mad at him. It broke my heart to think that anybody can be "mad" at a four year old who wants nothing more than to be loved and praised for being who he is. When he told me the story that "my mom always gives me a hug and a kiss goodnight and when she is upset, she doesn't" made me want to cry. It's hard enough making sense of the world around you outside of your home but the least that this parent could have done is have a conversation with the child about what may have been concerning her, rather than withholding the love that all children need and deserve.
I am not saying that you need to constantly coddle your child. It's impossible - with all the demands that are put on a parent it would be inherently difficult to do that. What I am saying is that giving your child the gift of communication is very intimate. If you are upset you can say something along the lines of "Sweetheart, sometimes mommy has a bad day and I know that I forgot to give you your hug/kiss last night. It's not because I don't love you - it's just because I forget. Don't ever think that you are not the most important little man in my life because you are, no matter where I am or what I am feeling." It's simple conversations like these that make the biggest impact to your children. They are the ones who love you and need you the most and regardless of what may be troubling you, they do make things easier for you!
No comments:
Post a Comment