It may be funny to read the title of this blog, but for many parents, this brings them to tears each and every night...
What starts out as an innocent question about the status of work that needs to be done after school ends up in a struggle of power, dominance, tactile defenses, and ultimately (if you do not lose) defeat of the young elementary/middle school/high school child that relents into the inevitable task that many of us know as "homework".
It's not a bad word, but has a negative association for most kids. Instead of addressing it by it's English name, they refer to it as "boring", or "do I have to do this" or "I hate school". I've come across more students with this dramatic disposition to these assignments and have seen a range of responses and emotional settings such as complete denial that there is homework to apathy. Whatever emotion the child feels - the response should always be the same.
Here are some tips on what to do if you are caught in the crossfire of playing "hostage negotiator" with your child:
1. DO NOT negotiate with your child!
Okay, maybe the CIA will not tell you this (yes, too many reruns of Bourne Identity in my brain) but you DO NOT NEGOTIATE with your child! There is a reason why your child will not do their homework - and before you engage in an offensive military strike that involves taking away all the privileges that they have not earned, it is important to find out what is the root of all (misguided) unhappiness towards homework..
2. EMPATHIZE With Your Child!
Remember when you were trying to pass that really boring literature class and procrastinated on studying for the final exam until you realized that it was tomorrow (okay, that must have been my little sister. I didn't do that..)? It's hard to think that your child is anything but an obedient compliant individual until you remember what it was like when you were growing up. Try to level with the child and relate to what they were experiencing.
Children look up to you and at times - think that you are either the most perfect human beings or are horrible parents. Tell them about what subjects you had a difficult time with and recall how it was hard for you to be self-motivated. They are not looking for someone to tell them what to do all the time, sometimes they are looking to just listen.
3. FIND OUT What It Is That They Really Need To Do
There is a misassumption that you have to complete everything that the teacher assigns to your child. When homework is assigned, many times it is to gain mastery of the concept that they are studying in school (I'm not an advocate of "busywork" - but "meaningful practice:). If it becomes an all out "War of the Words" in your house, find out what alternate assignments the teacher has allotted for students that may not have the chance to complete the homework.
I'm not advocating for you to ask for a free pass to not do work - but come to an agreement on what the learning and performance expectations are each and every day!
If you have any questions on this topic, or would like additional information about services provided by Learning Ridge, LLC - please contact Christine at 404-964-8533 or you can visit my website :)
What starts out as an innocent question about the status of work that needs to be done after school ends up in a struggle of power, dominance, tactile defenses, and ultimately (if you do not lose) defeat of the young elementary/middle school/high school child that relents into the inevitable task that many of us know as "homework".
It's not a bad word, but has a negative association for most kids. Instead of addressing it by it's English name, they refer to it as "boring", or "do I have to do this" or "I hate school". I've come across more students with this dramatic disposition to these assignments and have seen a range of responses and emotional settings such as complete denial that there is homework to apathy. Whatever emotion the child feels - the response should always be the same.
Here are some tips on what to do if you are caught in the crossfire of playing "hostage negotiator" with your child:
1. DO NOT negotiate with your child!
Okay, maybe the CIA will not tell you this (yes, too many reruns of Bourne Identity in my brain) but you DO NOT NEGOTIATE with your child! There is a reason why your child will not do their homework - and before you engage in an offensive military strike that involves taking away all the privileges that they have not earned, it is important to find out what is the root of all (misguided) unhappiness towards homework..
2. EMPATHIZE With Your Child!
Remember when you were trying to pass that really boring literature class and procrastinated on studying for the final exam until you realized that it was tomorrow (okay, that must have been my little sister. I didn't do that..)? It's hard to think that your child is anything but an obedient compliant individual until you remember what it was like when you were growing up. Try to level with the child and relate to what they were experiencing.
Children look up to you and at times - think that you are either the most perfect human beings or are horrible parents. Tell them about what subjects you had a difficult time with and recall how it was hard for you to be self-motivated. They are not looking for someone to tell them what to do all the time, sometimes they are looking to just listen.
3. FIND OUT What It Is That They Really Need To Do
There is a misassumption that you have to complete everything that the teacher assigns to your child. When homework is assigned, many times it is to gain mastery of the concept that they are studying in school (I'm not an advocate of "busywork" - but "meaningful practice:). If it becomes an all out "War of the Words" in your house, find out what alternate assignments the teacher has allotted for students that may not have the chance to complete the homework.
I'm not advocating for you to ask for a free pass to not do work - but come to an agreement on what the learning and performance expectations are each and every day!
If you have any questions on this topic, or would like additional information about services provided by Learning Ridge, LLC - please contact Christine at 404-964-8533 or you can visit my website :)
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